How To Be A Lupin
by Shnee
Summary: Things like this happened in movies for crying out loud, it was almost cheesy! So I have another brother. That doesn't give my hormones permission to jump his friend. I think.
1. Summer Discoveries

**Blood Bond**

I hauled my trunk behind me as I searched the throng of bubbling people for my parents. I adjusted my shoulder bag with shaking hands and spotted my mum waving frantically at the barrier.

I gulped and trudged onwards; hoping dad might not pick a fight again. "Oh Mi!" Mum engulfed me in a warm hug, stroking my hair and allowing her tears to soak my side fringe. "We missed you so much!" Mum smiled adoringly down at me, glancing nervously at dad, who shifted awkwardly behind her.

"Hello dad," I smiled weakly. I stood my trunk up on its end and sat Feathers' cage on the top, smiling slightly as Feathers hooted merrily from within his cage.

Dad opened his mouth to say something, though seemed to change his mind and slouched his shoulders with a smile, "Welcome home, pumpkin."

I grinned up at him and threw myself into his hug with a sigh. "It's good to be back."

"Come on, dear, Josh has been so excited to see you again," Mum told me as we made our way out the barrier and passed numerous Hogwarts students sitting on their trunks waiting for their parents to arrive. "He's missed you so much while you were gone."

"Well I-" I stumbled over a stray trunk and my shoulder bag swing round my waist to smack the owner in the face. "Oh! I'm so sorry! I didn't see your trunk and I didn't watch where I was going! Are you okay?!"

The boy got to his feet and brushed himself down with a grin, "Of course I'm okay! I didn't fall fifty feet! Though I must say it feels like you carry several bricks in that bag."

I blushed profusely, glancing at my black shoulder bag and shifting the weight on my feet rather like my dad had done earlier. "Sorry," I mumbled, feeling my face flush even more as I realised who I had smacked in the face.

"No problem at all, Miss Lewis," the boy grinned, flicking his graceful black hair out of his eyes. "I'm abandoned every year and have people tripping over me all the time."

I smiled weakly and secured my shoulder bag again, "Well, sorry again, Sirius."

"Don't think about it," Sirius grinned and sat back down on his trunk, pulling out a Daily Prophet. "See you next year!"

I smiled and waved as I ran to catch up with mum and dads, feeling my face finally return to its usual pale bleakness.

I watched the summer scene from my bedroom window with a smile; I loved summer time. It was so happy. The back garden was almost reverberating with colour as the wind rippled happily across the yard, blowing the washing line in every direction and causing mum to swear loudly in frustration. I smiled from the window seat as she pushed her brown hair out of the way and glanced across the yard, narrowing her eyes and frowning. I caught sight of my little brother, Josh, in the next door neighbour's back garden, sneaking up on the cat and yelping to give it a fright. My little brother Josh was four, and made the most of what he seemed to already know would be a very short childhood.

"Marie!" My head snapped to attention as dad marched out the back door, his face contorted with anger and holding what looked like a photo frame. He thrust it at mum, who was staring with a bank face back at him.

Mum's brow knitted with worry and anxiety as she looked down at the photo, she looked back up at dad, her mouth open ready to explain what it was but dad put his hand up, "Inside, now. I don't want the neighbours hearing."

I glanced once at Josh, who was still fully occupied with the neighbours' cat to notice his parents fighting. I knew once mum and dad went in to fight, they would probably forget about Josh until later so I headed downstairs and into the back garden.

"Josh!" I called softly, climbing over the fence and into the neighbour's garden. "Josh! Time to come inside!"

"Teehee!" I heard the toddler squeal delightedly as he fell into a cherry bush, his cheeks flushed.

"Joshua! Get over here!" I smiled lovingly at him and opened my arms to him as he ran to me and wrapped his tiny arms around my legs. "Alright Josh, time to go inside," I told him firmly.

He pouted and wrinkled his nose, "I want to play!"

"Well that's tough luck, my little duckling, because you have to come in now," I told him as I lifted him into my arms. I felt my heart melt as he giggled shamelessly and clamped his tiny hands over his open mouth to stop the giggling. "And I'll see if I can get you a few cookies too," I added.

"Cookies!" Josh cried with glee as we went inside.

"It was years ago, David!" Mum cried at dad, not noticing me walk into the kitchen, cradling the giggling Josh in my arms. "Why are you lingering in the past? I moved on from it!"

"I don't care how long ago it was!" Dad yelled at mum, his face screwing up in rage.

"What was so long ago?" I asked, my curiosity taking control of me; this fight was not like the other fights mum and dad often had.

"Never you mind!" Dad ordered, making me glare.

"David!" Mum scolded. "Nothing, dear, don't you worry. Mum and dad will sort it out."

I smiled slightly when she began talking in third person again; she always talked like that when Josh was around and even sometimes when it was just mum and I.

I grabbed the cookie jar from the kitchen counter and took Josh through to the living room, where I allowed him to indulge himself with as many cookies as he could cram in his tiny mouth.

After an hour or two, the shouts of mum and dad eventually died down and I thought all of the fighting was over for another couple of days. I was wrong.

"Mira, can you ask your mother to pass the sauce?"

I rolled my eyes and raised an eyebrow at mum. She wrinkled her nose at me and said, "Mira, can you tell your father that if he wants something from me, he can get it himself."

"Mira you can tell your mother that considering I'm beginning to lose trust in her, she should be pleased I'm entrusting her with something to serious as the tomato sauce," Dad spat.

"Okay how about this?" I piped up. "You both grow up and stop bickering like a couple of five year olds!"

Mum's face softened and she smiled delicately over at me, making me smile back; her smile was infectious. Dad simply growled and stormed out of the kitchen, leaving his dinner plate half full and getting cold.

"Can I ask what the fight was about this time?" I asked lightly as I dished some salad onto my plate. Noticing Josh has slurped his potatoes down his chin, I took a napkin and wiped his face clean. He grinned up at me.

Mum sighed heavily, "Mi, have I ever told you about my first love?"

I nodded, "Dad? Yes."

Mum shook her head with a grimace, "It wasn't dad."

I stared at her, confused. "Well, who was it?" I asked.

Mum sighed sadly as she stirred her mashed potatoes into a liquid and said dreamily, "His name was Leonardo, Leo for short. I went to school with him and he became my sweetheart. When I left school we lost touch, though as you know I met dad just after I left school. When I first started dating your father, I wasn't, well…faithful to him. I bumped into Leo around the same time I met dad and well…Leo and I continued our relationship, or well…what you could call a relationship; it was falling apart at the seams. Leo had such a bad temper that we could fall out and not talk for over a week. Eventually, I lost my patience and I left him again. I went back to your dad and we eventually decided to move in together.

"Though it wasn't as happy as I thought it would be. I told you father that I had to go on a business trip for a year, he was alright with it of course; he always encouraged me to stay on top of work you see. As long as I stayed in touch, David had no problem with me leaving."

"But, mum," I began, spooning some more potatoes into Josh's mouth. "You never mentioned going on business trips; that was always dad."

"Well it wasn't exactly a business trip. I went down to England, and I did stay the whole year. But when I was down there I, well, I had Leo's baby," Mum glanced at me, that same anxiety appearing in her eyes again.

I gaped at her, "Mum! You didn't have an affair with Leo when you were in England, did you?!"

"No dear," Mum chuckled, sipping her wine. "When I left Leo I found out I was pregnant. I hid it from your father and left just before I began to show. I gave birth to the baby and everything went swimmingly well. I planned to just give the baby up and go back to live with David, it was hard, but I did it."

I stared at her, astonished, "Mum…how could you give up a baby?"

Mum shrugged pathetically, "I got in touch with Leo and told him everything. Leo, of course, came to see the baby and me. After a few discussions and arguments, he agreed to take the baby. I haven't heard from him, or my baby ever since then.

"You're father has just discovered my one and only picture I have of my baby and he is accusing me of cheating on him," Mum said flatly.

I glared at the door to the living room, "That's not fair! It's not your fault!"

Mum sighed pathetically.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and asked, "How old would the baby be now, mum?"

Mum furrowed her brow as she counted up the years, "Seventeen this October."

I smiled slightly, "You mean…I have another sibling?"

"Half sibling, yes," Mum smiled resignedly. "I'm sorry for never telling you, dear."

I grinned, "How could you ever think that I would mind? It's not as if I'm about to meet the kid! So what's their name? Or more importantly; do I have a brother, or a sister?!"

Mum beamed at me, her blue eyes twinkling, and said, "A brother. His name is Remus Lupin."

My hands shook violently as I fiddled with a loose string of thread on the sleeve of my robes. The Hogwarts Express shook violently from side to side as it met a sharp turn in the track and I threw my hands out to hold my balance.

"Mi, are you alright?" Jenny asked me from opposite me. "You've been very…tense since you got here."

I gulped and rubbed my sweaty hands together, trying to avoid her eyes, "I'm fine. Absolutely perfect, no problems what so ever. You know what? I'm not fine. I'm good. I'm very good."

Jenny raised her perfectly plucked eyebrow at me but didn't say anything else, which I was thankful for.

When mum told me about my having a half brother, that half brother being none other than Remus Lupin, I felt I was going to be sick. I never told mum that I knew Remus well, only that he was in the year above me. Mum seemed very excited about me knowing him and had encouraged me to talk to him, become friends, and maybe even tell him who I was. I told her I would think about it, though I had no plans to do so. I knew mum only wanted me to befriend Remus so that she could get in touch with him, and I didn't blame her. She would be very proud of him. Aside from Lily Evans, he was once of the smartest students at Hogwarts and was very nice. I felt my stomach boil when I thought about how much better he was than me. Pathetic Mira Lewis, the silly sixth year who was dirt compared to the almighty Marauder, Remus Lupin. I felt my face turn red with hatred and jealousy sizzled threateningly in my heart.

"I…er…" I got to my feet and walked to the door. "I'm going…well…I'll be back in a minute."

Jenny grinned knowingly at me and nodded as I slipped into the corridor. I breathed in the fresh air and felt my lungs swell. Yes, I know, the air in the corridor was exactly the same as the air in the compartment but being in a compartment with Jenny, when I knew she suspected something, made me feel cramped and claustrophobic.

I sunk my hands deep into my robe pockets and sauntered down the corridor, hoping nobody would try to talk to me. Deciding that it was getting late and I would be at Hogwarts soon, I thought it would make sense to go to the toilet so that I wouldn't need it later.

I closed the toilet door and headed back down the corridor, feeling refreshed. Though my face paled immensely as I spotted a sandy haired young man walk out his compartment saying, "I'm just going to the loo. I'll be right back."

I gulped and felt my body break out in a furious sweat. My eyes darted all around me, searching for somewhere to hide. Finding nowhere, I ducked my head and trudged forward, hoping Remus wouldn't look at me. Though Merlin knows why he would, he didn't even know me.

"Are you alright?" My head snapped up instinctively and I paled even more as I stared into Remus' amber eyes. My eyes.

I gulped, "I…er…I…I…f-fine…"

Remus looked me up and down and raised an eyebrow, "If you say so. You look awfully pale. Maybe you should go see Madam Pomfrey when we get to school."

I gulped a few more times, becoming aware of the fact that my head was stuck between nodding and shaking, so was making do with twisting it slightly. I blushed. "I'll keep that in mind…" I muttered as I slouched back to my compartment, trying to ignore Remus' curious stares.

I sat my trunk on my four-poster bed and began unpacking it just as all the girls were heading downstairs to hang about in the common room.

I set out my clothes and books ready for tomorrow, and was just about to shut my trunk and shove it under my bed when I spotted a photo frame tucked down the side of the trunk. I plucked it out and felt my lips upturn in a small smile. It was a copy of baby Remus. I had forgotten that mum had given me a copy of it. Dad had not been pleased, as he was still under the impression that mum had cheated on him. I took the frame and sat it on my bedside cabinet next to my photo of Josh as a toddler and smiled.

Feeling I had nothing else to do but find Jenny and hang about in the common room, so I changed into my slippers and headed down the stairs.

I felt myself shake slightly when I spotted Jenny sitting with the Marauders, flirting shamelessly with the most handsome of the boys. Sirius Black.

I gulped as she waved me over. I tucked a strand of my sandy hair out of my eyes and sat down on the couch next to Jenny. "This is Mira Lewis," Jenny told the Marauders, who all nodded an acknowledgment. "Sirius was just telling me about a prank they might pull on some Slytherins tomorrow night, it sounds very exciting," Jenny's eyes sparkled with excitement, though I knew she was only excited because she was actually talking to the most popular group in school.

"Oh right," I replied quietly, keeping my eyes on the wall behind Sirius rather than the amber-eyed boy staring at me.

"Have you always gone to Hogwarts?" Sirius asked me, making me smile slightly. "Because I don't remember ever seeing a girl as good looking as you around."

I rolled my eyes and felt my lips curl into a smirk. Jenny nudged me and narrowed her eyes at me when Sirius wasn't looking. I shrugged and smiled pathetically. As I was not really used to being given compliments by Sirius Black, I just ignored them so I wouldn't embarrass myself.

"Sorry, what's your name again?" Remus piped up, his amber eyes boring into me.

I gulped, "Mira. Mira Lewis."

"Hmm," Remus stroked his chin as he observed me. "Sorry, you just look rather familiar."

"Well she has gone to this school for six years Mooney!" Sirius laughed, flicking his seductive black hair out his face.

"Are you two girls in sixth year then?" Peter Pettigrew enquired, trying to sound charming but failing rather pathetically. I grimaced slightly and tried to ignore Peter's attempts to flirt.

James snorted and took off his round spectacles, and began wiping them with his tie, "No! Peter, don't you know? They've been going to Hogwarts for ten years!"

Peter's brow furrowed, before he grinned and started laughing at James' sarcasm. James rolled his eyes and turned back to me, "You're really quiet compared to Jenny."

I shrugged, not really knowing what to say.

"She's the girl I bumped into on the train," Remus told James, whose face lit up in recognition.

"Oh Remmy, you dark horse you!" Sirius sniggered. "Hitting on girls a year younger? I thought you went for the older women?"

Remus cheeks flushed slightly and he hit Sirius on the shoulder rather pathetically. "Leave him be, Padfoot, you know how Remmy likes to keep his love life private," James sniggered, playing along with Sirius.

Seeing that I would get bored out of my mind if I were to just sit there and listen to Sirius and James' smart remarks, I spotted someone's textbook lying abandoned on a study table. I snatched it from the table and snuggled down into the couch with the thickly bound book on my lap. I smiled slightly to myself as I engulfed myself in the world of Potions.

"James!" I heard Sirius hiss to James, though I don't know if they knew I could hear every word they said. "It's a female Remus!"

Sirius looked over at me and smirked, "You're right James." He puffed out his chest and said loud enough for everyone in the common room to hear, "Remus, it is my pleasure to introduce you to Mira, your soul mate and future bride. Please, be gentle with her."

I felt my face flush and before I could stop myself I had cried out: "Eeeeeew!"

All eyes turned to me, and I glanced quickly at Remus. I felt my face turn a deeper shade of red as he frowned, and for a second, looked hurt.

"That wasn't very nice, Mira," Jenny told me on the way up the staircase to the girls' dormitories.

I gulped, "You don't know what I know, Jen."

"How so?" Jenny asked lightly, sitting delicately down on her bed and crossing her slim legs.

I glanced nervously at the door to make sure it was closed and whispered to Jenny: "Mum told me a bit about her past this summer."

"And?" Jenny asked, a smirk playing on her lips.

I closed my eyes and gulped. I looked warily around the room before looking at my bare toes and mumbling, "Remus is my brother."

"He's your WHAT!?" Jenny leapt from her seat, her hands flying to her face to cover her gaping mouth and her face paling. "Mi! You're telling me you're related to a Marauder!?"

I nodded dumbly. "He's my half brother," I told her slowly. "Apparently before mum and dad actually started going steady she bumped into an old flame and, well, ended up pregnant. She ran off to London and gave birth, and then handed the baby over to the father. And well, mum just told me during the summer about this so I'm just getting my head round it. But…Remus is my half-brother."

"Oh Mira…" Jenny mumbled, raking her fingers through her honey blonde hair. Suddenly, her face lit up and she smiled, "This is great! You can tell Remus and get to know him, I know you've always wanted a sibling your age, I mean Josh would get tiring after a while." I shrugged. "And while you're being all 'sisterly' to Remus, you can set me and Sirius up!"

I rolled my eyes and fell back on my bed with a groan, "Why do you like that boy?!"

Jenny smiled mischievously and sunk back into her bed, pulling her knees up to her chin and tilting her head innocently, "He's very handsome…and he's so sweet."

I sighed pathetically. "Jen, he would just use you like all the other girl who have fallen in his trap," I reasoned. "Sirius Black has never in the history in the world had a steady girlfriend and I don't think he ever plans to have one."

Jenny heaved a sigh and snatched her pyjamas from her bed, "I'm going to get changed, I'll only be a minute."


	2. The One and Only

"So let me get this straight," Jenny began, as we sat in the Great Hall at lunch. "You have the opportunity to subtly set me and a hot guy up, while snagging a guy for yourself in the process. Not to mention you get to bond with your brother."

I rolled my eyes and flicked to the next page of my book I had with me. I glanced across the words quickly before saying, "First of all, what guy could I snag? James is with Lily Evans and Remus is a relative. Who does that leave me? Peter?" Jenny snorted. "And even if Remus never found out I used him for the evil deeds of my best friend, I would still feel guilty."

Jenny rolled her eyes, "You're no fun."

"Well-"

I was cut off when a young man came and squashed in beside me. "Can I help you?" I asked, irritably.

Sirius smirked at me and snatched a bit of bacon off my plate and popped it into his mouth before I could protest. "Just wanted to know why you were so rude to dear Remus last night," Sirius explained innocently.

I felt my ears heat up and I gaped, "I didn't mean to be rude! I just…well…"

"Oh don't worry," Sirius waved my apologies off. "Remus doesn't really care about girls much, he's more focused on his work."

We both looked further down the table at the said boy and I tilted my head at him. I groaned inwardly when I saw he was reading a book too. I flicked my fringe out of my face and rolled my eyes when Remus did the same with his ruffled hair.

"Wow, you two are more alike than I thought," Sirius muttered. "You two are probably the only folk here with books. Kind of scary, really."

I rolled my eyes and snapped my book shut, before scooping some porridge into my mouth. I wiped my lips quickly as some porridge escaped and blushed when I caught Sirius staring at me.

"Well, I have to go to the library quickly," Jenny got to her feet and threw her satchel over her shoulder. "Mi I'll see you in class."

"Okay," I replied.

Sirius watched Jenny go and I rolled my eyes when I saw him checking her out. "Well, she's nice," he grinned.

I sniggered, "I may not see her the way you do but I have to agree with you if you're talking about her personality."

Sirius made a face, "I never talk about a girl's personality."

"And why not?" I frowned.

"Because every girl I've come across doesn't have a nice personality," Sirius told me.

"Touché," I shrugged.

"Sirius are you hitting on her again?" We both turned to see Remus smiling slightly at Sirius.

Sirius grinned mischievously and I snatched my bag from the seat next to me and got to my feet. "Where are you going?" Remus asked me hurriedly.

I glanced quickly at Sirius, "I'm going to the library…if that's alright."

Remus ducked slightly and laughed nervously, "Of course. Have fun."

"Yuh huh…" I replied absent-mindedly, already heading out the Great Hall.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I began climbing several staircases to get to the library. However, I glanced behind me when I heard footsteps and cursed under my breath when I saw Remus further behind.

I picked up the pace and took three steps at a time, at which time I thanked my mother for her abnormally long legs, which I used to hate.

"Hey! Mira! Wait up!" He called and I heard him get closer. How could the boy walk that fast? He caught my arm just as I was turning a corner and I sighed. "Mind if I join you in the library?" He asked, his smile faltering slightly at the look on my face.

"Er…well…you see, I was…I left a few things in my dorm, so I was just going to go back there instead," I stammered, becoming all too aware that we were now standing next to the library door.

Remus frowned, but I never gave him a chance to reply as I was already speeding back down the corridor and out of sight.

That evening I sat in front of the fire in the common room, not listening to Jenny as she chattered on about her Transfiguration homework and how unfair it was that I had already finished it and was refusing to let her copy. I sighed pathetically and tilted my head slightly as I continued looking in the fire, watching with fascination at how the flames flickered and snapped at their surroundings.

"Oh, look who it is…" Jenny murmured from beside me and my head snapped to attention. "Have you talked to him yet?"

"Are you kidding me?" I laughed bitterly, watching Remus take a seat next to James and Sirius at the study tables. "Sirius has pretty much made him think that I love the boy so I don't want to think what would happen if I confessed the real situation."

"Then tell Remus straight out that you don't like him," Jenny soothed me. "I'm sure Remus will understand, after all, he's always been more absorbed in his work rather than girls."

"I-"

"Hello Remus," Jenny cut me off and I snapped my mouth shut, forcing a smile at the said boy, who had practically appeared out of thin air and sat next to Jenny. "How are you?" she asked him sweetly, making me roll my eyes.

Remus shrugged, "Yourself?"

"Oh I'm lovely, thank you," Jenny smiled, and I couldn't help admiring her flirting techniques.

"Oi Mooney!" Sirius grinned and abandoned his work to accompany us. "Flirting with younger ladies again, you old dog."

"I would have thought that expression more suitable for you, Sirius," Remus replied swiftly, making Sirius grin.

"Why?" Jenny asked.

"Never mind," Remus dismissed the subject, smiling kindly at Jenny to show he wasn't meaning to snub her.

"Well, I'm finished here," I announced and collected my things, breathing a sigh of relief as I headed for the girls' staircase.

However, just as I set a foot on the first step, someone caught my arm. "Do you have something against me?" Remus asked quietly.

"W-what?" I felt my face pale and my hand gripped the leather strap of my satchel.

"Do you not like me?" Remus asked politely. "I mean I understand if you do, I would just like to know why."

I gulped and shuffled my feet, looking at the ground and hoping it would swallow me up. "N-no…I've not got anything against you…" I muttered.

"Then why do you keep avoiding me?" Remus enquired. "I would like to know why, at the first sight of me, you had nothing against running full pelt in the opposite direction. Literally."

I felt my lips curl into a small smile and I cleared my throat, "Er… well…" I racked my brain for something to say, something that wasn't "You're my brother and I hate the fact that you're better than me so I spend as much time away from you as possible." I shuffled my feet and wrinkled my brow, "I'm…shy?"

Remus raised an eyebrow, but before he could say anything in reply, Sirius called him over.

_**...A few Days Later...**_

_Dear Mira,_

_I hope you're enjoying being back at school, needless to say Josh and I are missing you terribly, and your father is missing you too. _

_I don't think I need to but I thought I had better remind you of Josh's birthday in three weeks, he's beside himself with excitement. _

_I wasn't sure whether or not I should include this topic in my letter, but is there any news on Remus? I don't mean to be nosy or in any way pushy, but if you can find the time, I'd like very much to be updated with all the gossip concerning Remus, and you. Have you told him yet? Well, never mind that, I know you'll tell me in your reply._

_Missing you,_

_Love mum, dad, and Josh. _

I frowned as I crumpled up the letter from mum and chucked it in the fire; mum hadn't even met Remus yet and she preferred him to me.

"Bad letter?" I jumped and found the one and only boy hovering above me.

"I…what?" I blinked as Remus sat down across from me.

"Well not many people throw letters from parents in the fire, so I thought maybe it held bad news," Remus explained.

"I…er…no," I replied, more blunt than I originally intended.

Remus blinked at me and I shrunk further down into the couch as his gaze penetrated me. "You look really familiar," he said, making me gulp. "I don't think I've ever seen you before on the train, and I don't suppose I know any of your family?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, I'm a half blood."

Remus nodded, "I thought I was a half blood for quite a while, it was only this summer my father told me my mother was a witch."

I blinked, "What happened to you mum?"

Remus just stared at me for a second, scrutinising me with his amber eyes, which, to my regret, were identical to mine. "She left. When I was a baby she left us. My father raised me on his own," he told me.

Curious as to what Remus knew of mum, I continued, "So…have you been in contact with her at all?"

Remus raised an eyebrow, "Not at all. Dad lost track of her after a while and I suppose I just lost interest in trying to find someone who obviously didn't want to be found."

I paused. "If you had the chance to meet her, would you?" I asked quietly.

Remus' sharp eyes locked with mine, "I suppose, Yes."

I nodded, pouting slightly as I took in the information. A part of me was tempted to just tell Remus right there and then. However another part of me, probably the more mischievous side, was trying to get me to shut up. What mum didn't know wouldn't hurt her…surely she wouldn't care if I were to write to her and say Remus wasn't interested in seeing her…

"Why are you so interested?" Remus interrupted my thoughts and the evil side of me was silenced abruptly.

I stared at him, and for some reason I had no problem coming up with an excuse. "I have a relation who gave up a child years ago. I only found out about it this summer as well," I replied smoothly.

"Oh right," Remus sighed and ruffled his hair.

"… I think," I began, drawing the attention of Remus back to me, "that if my mother had left me when I was little, I would do everything in my power to find her again. I don't know what I'd do without my mum."

"What if she didn't want to be found?" Remus asked.

"What if she did?" I countered.

Remus stared at me for a while, probably thinking over what I had said. "You have an obsession with mothers," he stated, making me smile.

"I don't," I told him, smiling. "I just think that if I had the chance to find a lost relation, I would find them."

"And how do you suggest I do that?" Remus smiled, obviously enjoying the conversation.

I shrugged, "Ask your dad."

"But he doesn't know where she is," Remus raised an eyebrow.

"What if there was more to what he was letting on?" I asked.

"Well I-" Remus paused. "…I think you're making too much sense to me."

I sniggered.

Remus sat in thought for a moment, all the time keeping his amber eyes on me, making me squirm uncomfortably under his gaze. "Okay so you now know just about everything there is to know about my family," he stated. "Tell me about yours."

I shrugged, "What do you want to know?"

Remus rubbed his chin, "...I don't know…do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"I have a baby brother, Josh, he's turning five in three weeks," I said. "I have a mum and dad. My mum is one of the kindest people I've ever met, and I couldn't live without her. My dad, well, he likes to argue a lot. I've always wondered how mum could end up with someone as argumentative as dad."

Remus smiled softly, "Parents are like that."

I adjusted my position on the couch and tucked my knees under my chin, "So…what do you know about your mum?"

"We're finished talking about you then?" Remus smiled. "I don't know much," he shrugged. "Dad told me she just wasn't ready for a commitment as big as a baby." Remus paused and smiled over at me, "What other information could be behind that simple explanation?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. Perhaps that technically is the truth, just twisted slightly to hide a bigger truth."

"It sounds like you're speaking from experience," Remus sniggered.

I smiled, "My … relation, she gave up her baby because she was already starting a family with someone else and she knew her husband wouldn't stand for keeping and fathering a child that was never his. She handed the baby to the father, handed over half her life savings to be spent on the baby, and went back to her boring life with her husband."

"Do you not know her well?" Remus asked, his gentle eyes scrutinizing me.

"What?" I asked quizzically.

"Well you are talking of her as 'the relation' rather than someone you love. Not to mention 'the husband'," Remus' lips twitched upwards slightly and I smiled, remembering how mum tended to do that.

I shrugged, "No point naming names, is there?"

"I don't see the harm in it," Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Alright then, I'll name the names of my story if you name the names of yours," I smiled playfully.

"Fair enough," Remus laughed. "My dad's name is Leo, my mum's name is Marie. Do I have to tell you my name or shall I just presume you know that already?"

I laughed, "Presume away."

Remus grinned, "Right, name your names now."

"My dad is David, my little brother is Josh," I took a deep breath, "and my mum is Marie. The baby she gave up is Remus, that baby's father is Leo and my name is Mira. Nice to meet you."


	3. Discussing Things

**Listening To: You Found Me-Kelly Clarkson, Watch Me Shine-Vanessa Carlton**

"Remus!" Both our heads snapped in the direction of the approaching James. I sighed with relief that I didn't have to endure Remus' shocked face any longer.

"Remus we have a problem with the M.A.P.," James told Remus, glancing once at me.

I raised an eyebrow and couldn't hold back a smile; "Well I'll leave you boys to your toys."

"No! Mira wait!" Remus made to get up and follow me away from the couches but James held him back and sat him back down.

"Seriously Remus, we have a problem, I can't find Peter on it!" James told Remus, not noticing Remus' determination to get away from him.

I collected my satchel and books from my dorm and made quickly to the library, hoping to maybe get in an hour of homework before it closed.

However, as I took a seat at the back of the library and set out all my books to begin my Defence essay, I knew I was not going to get any homework done. I slammed my head on the desk numerous times before I let my mind replay the whole conversation. I couldn't suppress a light chuckle at the irony. Since finding out about Remus all I had thought about was how stupid it would sound to just come out and say it, but I never thought I would actually say it as casually as I did.

I picked up my textbook and gave my forehead another good whack before I dipped my quill in the inkbottle and sat with it hovering over my parchment, not having the slightest idea what to write.

x S x

"Jenny!" I whispered hoarsely at one in the morning. After spending pretty much all the time since getting into bed counting the number of squashed flies on the ceiling, I thought it would be good for me to tell _someone_.

"…Wha?" she mumbled pathetically, half sitting up and half falling off the bed.

"I told him!" I whispered through my hangings to the sleepy-looking lump on Jenny's bed.

"…Who?"

"Remus!"

"Wha bout im?"

"Oh never mind," I fell back onto my bed and ignored Jenny's last mumbles before she grunted and fell back to sleep.

x S x

I adjusted my satchel with a yawn and made a pathetic attempt to keep my eyes open, though my attempts were hopeless and I knocked into a small first year, who yelped in fright and ran off.

"You can be so cruel, you know that?" Jenny laughed as she watched the first year scuttle round the corner.

I rubbed my eyes but didn't reply.

"Have you seen him yet?" Jenny asked as she produced an apple from her satchel and bit into it.

I shook my head.

"Are you planning on seeing him?"

I shook my head.

"Why?"

I shrugged.

"Are you going to owl your mum and tell her?"

I shook my head.

"You know you might as well be mute?" Jenny asked, irritably.

I smiled despite myself, "What am I supposed to say? I don't want to see him because he probably thinks I'm an obsessed maniac who wishes he were my brother so much that I actually believe he is. And there's no point in owling mum right now because what is there to tell? That I told him and he stared at me like I had just suggested having a baby with him?"

"He really looked at you like that?" Jenny asked, sniggering.

I rolled my eyes.

We walked into the Great Hall for lunch and took our seats at our usual spot. I picked a green apple from the bowl and took out my book for the day. I opened it to my bookmark and bit into my apple.

"When are you going to stop reading at the table? You know it's bad manners!" Jenny imitated my dad, making me splutter and laugh. She grinned.

"Mira?"

We both looked up at Remus, as he stood awkwardly behind Jenny, not sure if he should sit down or not. He had large bags under his eyes and my heart went out to him when I saw how pale he looked.

"Yes?" I asked, sounding calmer than I actually felt.

"Er…I was wondering…" he began, slipping one hand into his pocket and rubbing his forehead with the other, "if it's convenient for you, would you mind meeting me in the common room tonight at seven? I think we need to…discuss things."

I nodded, "Yes, that's fine. I'll see you at seven then."

"…Right," Remus nodded, and with a look of finality he left us to join his friends further down the table.

"Maybe he does want to have a baby after all," Jenny smirked, making me chuck my apple at her.

x S x

I nibbled on my bookmark nervously, not sure if I should pass time by staring at the fire, or if I should risk looking seriously obsessed and stare at the portrait hole.

Feeling I should make an impression of being just as good as Remus, I turned up ten minutes early, however it felt like an hour early to me.

I brought my knees up to my chin and continued nibbling on my bookmark, barely noticing that I hadn't kept my page in my book.

I sighed pathetically and glanced about the room. Oddly enough barely anyone was around. I presumed the majority of the Gryffindors were still down at dinner.

Out of the silence of the common room I heard the portrait hole creek open and my eyes snapped to attention. I frowned and looked back at the fire as a second year girl with pigtails walked in.

"Hello Mira." My head snapped round to find Remus at the bottom of the boys' staircase. Did the boy think eating was above him or something?

He sat down across from me and began rubbing and clapping his hands together. I considered offering my bookmark to him but thought better of it. It was my bookmark. No silly boy is getting _my_ bookmark.

"So…" he began.

"Yeah…" I helped him along and crossed my legs on my couch, deciding to let him take the lead.

Remus covered his face with his fidgety hands and then rubbed his eyes. After a few seconds, he forced himself to look at me. "Can we…. can we sort things out?" he asked pathetically and rather hoarsely.

I shrugged and nodded, sticking to my idea of him doing the leading.

He looked at his mucky shoes once before taking a deep breath and diving right into it, "What you said last night. I have to know, were you being serious?"

I stared at him. Was he on heroin or something? "Of course I was being serious! It's not like I go about telling random guys they're my half brother!" I snapped.

Remus covered his face with his hands again, his knees bouncing up and down in his nervousness.

I sighed and took pity in the boy. "Look you're obviously not about to say anything any time soon so I'll start," I said confidently, silently wondering when the hell I started being confident. "My dad found a picture of you as a baby in my mum's cupboard this summer and so the whole thing spilled out. Mum sat me down told me how she gave you up and blah di blah… she told me that she misses you and would really like to get in touch with you."

Remus stared at me. He blinked. "You're really my sister?" he asked stupidly.

"Half sister," I corrected him.

"And my mum is really your mum?"

"Yes."

"I've never had a sister before," Remus commented softly, a smile creeping onto his face.

"You have a brother as well," I pointed out. "Josh."

"Josh…" Remus rubbed his stubbly chin thoughtfully. "You said he's turning five in three weeks?"

I raised my eyebrows, "You remembered?"

Remus nodded, not really paying attention. I growled inwardly, the smarty-pants still managed to be smart during such an earth-shaking topic.

"I…I suppose…well…" he dropped his hand from his chin and stared at me, his eyes searching mine, "are you going home for his birthday?"

I nodded slowly, not liking where this was going.

"Well…would I be too forward if I were to ask if I could come along?" he looked genuinely anxious to hear my answer. I smirked inwardly as he sat on the edge of his seat, his knees ceased to bounce and his hands were clasped tightly on his lap.

I opened my mouth to say something, but my voice betrayed me. The evil part of me rose up, trying to convince me that Josh didn't like strangers…

I closed my eyes and sighed. I rubbed my temples furiously, trying to shut that blasted voice up. "I'll owl mum," I heard myself say.

x S x

"He wants what?"

"He wants to come home with me for Josh's birthday," I told Jenny for the tenth time.

I took my seat at breakfast and smiled when my barn owl, Bird, landed next to me. "Morning Bird," I smiled and took the Daily Prophet from his claws. I took the letter out of my bag and hesitated slightly before clipping it to his feet and saying, "Take this to mum, okay? Not dad, he'll go ballistic if he reads it."

Bird chirped cheerily and nipped my finger, before taking flight and disappearing out the window again.

"Tell me again why you named that thing Bird?" Jenny sniggered, scooping some porridge into her mouth.

I shrugged, "Josh was so keen on Bird so I let him name him."

Jenny sipped her pumpkin juice and shrugged, accepting my excuse. "What do you think your mum will say?" she asked.

"She'll be ecstatic and want him over immediately," I told her. "But dad. I'm not sure about him. I doubt he'll even allow the _name_ Remus in the house, never mind the actual guy."

"Well that sucks," Jenny replied. "I don't suppose I have to ask what Josh will think?"

I shrugged, "You know what he was like around you. He's shy. I don't know if it would be safe telling him who Remus was or to just wait."

Jenny shrugged, "I think Josh would like Remus."

I frowned and finished eating my breakfast before we headed for class.

x S x

_Dear Mira,_

_That's wonderful! I'm so glad you told him Mi! I have yet to talk the situation over with dad but I'm sure he will be delighted to have Remus over too! _

_Although you might want to make sure Remus has permission from his dad just to ensure things will run smoothly._

_With love,_

_Mum_

I frowned down at the letter and bit into my toast, taking all my anger out on the burnt edges in my mouth. "What did she say?" Jenny asked me.

"She said he can come over," I told her, the bitterness obvious in my voice. "She hasn't told dad yet but thinks he'll be 'delighted'," I rolled my eyes.

"When are you going to talk to him about it then?" Jenny asked, smearing some marmalade onto her toast and licking her fingers.

"Might as well tell him now," I sighed and got my feet.

"Well better hurry; bell's about to go," Jenny told me with a smile.

I trudged down the isle until I found myself standing behind Sirius and James, facing Remus and Peter. Sirius was joking about some prank he and James pulled on a couple of Slytherins, and obviously didn't see me until Remus stopped laughing and stared at me.

"Er…." I began, feeling suddenly exposed to the boys. I tucked the letter into the pocket of my robes and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "M-mum says you can visit," I said eventually, watching Sirius and James turn to look at Remus in confusion, and I smiled slightly at the look of pure happiness that took over Remus' face. Peter glanced between all of us, confused as to what was going on.

Remus grinned at me, "Brilliant. I'll write to my dad and make sure it's okay."

_I was about to say that…smarty-pants…_

**A/N- Sorry for the long wait folks but I'm off school until next Tuesday so i should get more updating done. I've been a bit busy with Define Love, but I finally updated that as well so check that out too lol I'm a third done in updating Your Kitty and I'm thinking about updating A Family Secret too so keep a look out! Read and Review! Xx**


	4. Liar Liar

I trudged out of Defence Against the Dark Arts, lugging my heavy satchel along with me, thanking Merlin for giving me a free period. "Where are we going?" I sighed and flicked my fringe out of my eyes, following Jenny.

"Didn't you pay any attention to the Professor?" Jenny laughed. "We've to write 2ft of parchment on vampires for Friday, we've got to cover everything. I want to get started on mine."

I sighed but didn't object as we turned a corner and entered the library. I looked about for an empty table, though I didn't get a chance to sit at one as Jenny grabbed my arm and hauled me over to a table at the far end of the library. I rolled my eyes when I spotted Remus and Sirius sitting working at the table, and grimaced as Jenny elbowed me, in the hope that I would get us a seat with them.

"Uh, mind if we join you?" I asked, throwing Jenny a glare.

Remus and Sirius both looked up at the same time, Sirius looking almost intrigued as to why we were standing there, and Remus looking as if Christmas had came early. "Not at all, take a seat," Remus smiled kindly at me and gestured to the seat across from him, which I dropped into, reluctantly.

"So what are you two working on?" Jenny asked, slipping her satchel off and pulling her books and parchment out of it.

Sirius opened his mouth to speak but Remus interrupted him, "Essay for Transfiguration." I saw in the corner of my eye, Sirius slip a bundle of parchment into his satchel while looking at Jenny, hoping she wouldn't notice. I frowned.

"Oh," Jenny nodded. "Is it hard?"

Deciding I was rolling my eyes too often, I sighed and got out my parchment and ink, as well as my Defence textbook, hoping I might find something to write about in there. I shook the bottle of ink before opening it, dipping my quill into the watery black and hovering over the parchment, not knowing what to write.

I opened my mouth, and then closed it, frowning and turning to look at Jenny. "What is it we're writing about again?" I asked, tiredly.

"Are you sure you're related to Remus?" Sirius sniggered.

I shrugged and looked back down at my parchment, sighing. I opened up my textbook and began flicking through it for something about vampires. So Remus had told Sirius about the situation, and I could only presume he had told James and Peter as well.

"So, how's your day been?" Remus asked me quietly, as Jenny and Sirius began their own conversation, every now and then Jenny nudged her chair closer and closer to Sirius, who ignored her attempts to get closer to him.

I shrugged, "Tiring, I want my bed. You?"

Remus smiled at my reply and shrugged as well. "We've had mostly free periods today, James is off to the kitchens to get some food and Peter's in Muggle Studies," he explained quietly, glancing further up the library to Madam Pince, who was patrolling the isles in search for any disruptive children.

"Peter takes Muggle Studies?" I asked, trying to hold back a snort; everyone I knew who had taken it for their O.W.Ls had dropped it the second they were allowed.

Remus' lips twitched upwards and said, "His dad's a muggle, makes the subject easy. Muggle studies was one of the few O.W.Ls he got because he never studied; was out gallivanting with Sirius and James, convinced he was as smart as them."

I rolled my eyes, and began fiddling with my quill and humming quietly to myself.

"We're away to grab some food," Jenny whispered across the table, picking up her satchel and standing up with Sirius.

I raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything, watching then trot out the library, their steps echoing throughout the quiet library. I turned back to my work just in time to see Remus' lips twitch again.

"Mum does that," I murmured, scratching a small star on the back of my hand with my quill.

"What?" Remus looked at me, a smile decorating his face.

"Mum does that," I repeated.

"Does what?" he asked, his eyes bubbling with excitement as he flicked his sandy hair out of his eyes.

I blushed as we flicked our hair at the same time. Remus seemed to notice as well, but only smiled. "She er…your mouth…it, well, she always…never mind…" I ducked and scribbled my name and topic at the top of the parchment.

Remus smiled, but didn't say anything about my revelation. "So, what's mum like?" he ventured, eyeing me and watching my reaction.

It felt weird hearing someone else call my mum "mum", I felt like snapping at him and telling him that she wasn't _his_ mum, she was _my_ mum. "Uh," I frowned, not quite sure how to reply. "Well…I don't know, I've never had to describe mum before."

Remus shifted his seat further round the table so he was closer to me and I had the urge to shift in the opposite direction, but chose not to. He fiddled with his quill, stroking the long feather with the tips of his fingers as he thought, before saying, "I don't know about you, but I find this whole thing rather surreal."

I felt a small smile tickle my face and I ducked, picking up my quill and finishing the star on my hand, shrugging and deciding not to reply.

Remus looked at me, his eyes drinking in every detail of me and I shivered under his penetrating gaze. "I suppose mum has your eyes?" He tilted his head and rubbed his prickly chin tiredly. "I always wondered if I got my eyes from my mum, my dad's eyes are blue."

I glanced at him and then looked hurriedly back at my quill, "I've never really noticed."

Remus frowned slightly, "You've never noticed what colour eyes your mother has?"

I shrugged. "It never occurred to me to look. When I look at her, I don't see her eyes, or her hair, or her weirdly crooked nose that I was always thankful I never got; I see her smile," I found myself saying to my quill, twirling it between my fingers and tilting my head, watching the twists and turns of the coloured feather whirl into blurs the faster I twirled it. "It's a really weird smile, I've never met anyone with a smile like hers."

I looked up to find Remus smiling at me, his amber eyes sparkling. "You're my little sister," he said, matter-of-factly.

"Er, yeah, I gathered that," I eyed him.

"I've never had a sister before," he continued.

I smiled: "You already told me that one."

"I've always wanted a sister," he told me, shuffling closer to me, though for once I didn't want to shuffle in the opposite direction.

I poked his shoulder with my index finger, "Well now you have one."

He grinned at me, flicking my shoulder with his finger and thumb, making me back off, faking a gasp. "Did you just _flick_ me?!" I exclaimed, faking outrage.

Remus feigned a look of innocent and flicked me again, quickly turning round and facing the opposite direction and looking about.

I grinned, "Oh no! Who could that have been?"

Remus glanced round, pretending to only just have noticed me and grinned, "Oh hello! Fancy meeting you here!"

I laughed and nudged him with my shoulder, picking up my quill again and dipping it in the ink, finally thinking of something to write.

"Actually, Mira?" I looked up at Remus, to see that he was no longer smiling, but looking rather nervous. He scratched the back of his head and frowned, his fingers shaking slightly as he brought them back to the desk.

"What?" I asked, frowning.

"Er…" he put his face in his hands and let out a long breath, obviously trying to calm himself. He looked back at me, his eyes conveying the worry he felt. "Look, it's only right that I tell you, I'll have to tell your mum as well," no, she's your mum too… "And probably your dad because it's just unfair for them to think me safe. I don't know about Josh, I don't suppose you'll have to tell him but I'm pretty sure your mum will keep him as far away from me as possible when she finds out," he was rambling, and I was stumped; what the hell was he talking about?

"Remus," I interrupted him, putting a hand on his forearm to try and calm him down. His arm was warm. "Just tell me what's wrong."

He looked at my hand on his arm and closed his eyes, grimacing and rubbing his face once more, before taking a deep breath and saying hurriedly: "I'm a werewolf".

It took me all my will power to keep my hand on his arm, as my jaw practically hit the desk and I looked like a deer caught in headlights. All time seemed to stop as Remus stared at me, anxiously awaiting my reply. The silence seemed to answer for me, and, jumping up from the desk, Remus started cleaning away his things. "Don't worry I won't bother you again," he muttered feverishly, throwing his books into his satchel and heaving it onto his shoulder.

Just as he was about to leave the table, I came to my senses and jumped to my feet, taking hold of his wrist and stopping him from moving. "Wait! I didn't mean to…well…I was just shocked! It's not every day I come across a werewolf!" I told him frantically, getting ready to rugby-tackle him to the ground if he tried to leave. My jealousy of his being better than me seemed to vanish from my mind and all I wanted to do was make sure he stayed still; I found it hard to comprehend not having an older brother anymore.

Remus stopped moving and looked down at me, frowning as he looked at my hand, clutching his wrist so hard my knuckles were white. "You're not scared of me?" he asked quietly, disbelief evident in his voice.

I gulped and shook my head. He gave me a small, nervous smile, slipping his hand into mine and squeezing it. I smiled back at him.

Xx.!

Our conversation in the library seemed only to improve our relationship. Remus would stop me in the corridor to ask how I was doing, how I was liking my classes, continuing to say how excited he was about Josh's birthday. Though I had to admit I didn't feel as excited as Remus; the belief that dad would blow up when Remus arrived still hovered in the corner of my mind, clouding over my happiness whenever Remus mentioned my family. Still, I put on a smile and managed to act as happy as Remus was, after all, he was my brother.

Along with my new brother Remus, I gained the rest of the Marauders, and the curious looks of half of the school. Everyone wanted to know why Remus Lupin was suddenly being so friendly to a girl a year younger than him. Many were under the impression we were romantically attached, but Jenny worked hard to spread new rumours of my attachment to Sirius Black, who took the new fake relationship in his stride and offered to escort me everywhere.

Even though I had been quite content with my previous life of Jenny and only Jenny as a friend, I found myself almost floating everywhere every time I thought of my new friends. James, Sirius, and Peter, after noticing Remus' determination to sit with me at meals, accompanied Jenny and I while we ate, joking and laughing with us as though we had been best friends all along. It was also rather handy having the Marauders on my side for I was guaranteed never to be jinxed for the rest of my life.

"How is my charming Mimi today?" Sirius enquired one morning at breakfast, dropping into the seat next to me and piling his plate high with food.

I blushed slightly at his new nickname for me and sipped my pumpkin juice, thankful he had arrived as Jenny refused to get up on Saturdays and I never liked eating alone. "I'm fine thank you, yourself?"

Sirius smiled, though I noticed the bags under his eyes and I quickly caught on. "Remus still in bed?" I asked quietly.

"All three of them are," he replied tiredly, reaching his arms up and stretching lazily like a perfectly pampered kitten.

"So why are you up?" I frowned, knowing Sirius was one of the laziest boys in school.

"Now what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't eat with my Mimi?" Sirius sniggered, leaning forward and blowing a gust of air in my face, ruffling up my fringe and making me grimace.

I shrugged, too tired to answer the question and occupied myself by pouring more pumpkin juice into my now empty glass.

"So are we looking forward to the brother's birthday?" Sirius asked, stuffing some butter-smothered toast into his drooling mouth. My nose twitched as he said brother; there was something harsh about the way he said it. There was something I was missing.

It took me a moment to realise he was talking about Josh and I almost choked on my juice in my eagerness to reply. "Yeah it should be fun seeing mum and dad again, plus you know…Remus is going to be like…there…" I trailed off, mentally smacking myself at my stupidity; Sirius already knew all this!

Sirius simply smiled, though it struck me as an odd smile. It was like he was sharing an inside joke with himself. I frowned and bit into my toast.

"Well…I think I'll go to the library for a bit," I said roughly, needing some time to myself. I ate the last of my toast and drank the last of the pumpkin juice, before slipping out of the bench and heading for the doors.

"Aaaarr…I'll come with you!" Sirius exclaimed, almost falling over himself in his attempts to get out of the benches.

"No it's fine, I like studying on my own," I told him, trying to smile but failing miserably as a frown decorated my face.

"Don't be daft, I'll come with you," Sirius insisted, pulling me by the arm out of the Great Hall and up the Marble Staircase. "A girl like you out on your own when any Slytherins could attack you? No, no I'll come with you."

"Well I need to go get my stuff first," I told him, confused.

"Oh good, let's hurry then!" Sirius grabbed my hand and heaved me in the direction of Gryffindor tower.

When we got to the common room I collected my things from my dorm and returned to the bottom of the stairs to find Sirius wasn't there. I stood for a few seconds, waiting for any sign of him, before I abandoned him and headed for the door.

I was half way down the second corridor from the library when the skin on my neck prickled, and I felt someone was watching me. I stopped and turned around, seeing a shadow by a statue that hadn't been there before…

I shuffled as quietly as possible over to the statue and peeked round it, finding nothing there. Frowning, I turned and continued on.

Now two things happened all at once.

While walking, I was suddenly rammed in the base of my back and fell forward in a weird turn towards the brick wall beside me, while my womanly instincts were already lashing out with my satchel to wallop the prat who ran into me. But by the time the satchel made contact with the person or persons, I was already being pinned against the wall.

"What the-? Gerroff me!" I growled as scarily as I could, though the whimper in my voice probably gave the game away.

Opening the eyes that I hadn't noticed scrunching closed; I felt my lungs deflate when I found myself face to face with Sirius, Peter and James. "Er, is there a reason you're pinning me to the wall?" I asked casually, hoping I didn't look as hyped up as I was, my knees were shaking from being knocked and I wasn't sure if I liked the boys glaring at me.

"We weren't sure if we wanted to do this, but I think now that Remus told you about his…condition, we better make ourselves clear," James stated firmly, his hazel eyes scorching my skin.

I glanced at Sirius, hoping he might shed some light on the situation, but he stayed sober and in the background, glancing about every now and then for anyone who might see us. I noticed Peter was now cowering around James' elbow, licking his lips as I shuffled myself to get a little more comfortable in the situation.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, almost feverishly.

"This stupid story you're making up," James stated, prodding my shoulder with his index finger. "I suppose with the right audience and the right moment, it would have made a funny joke, but now Remus is in too deep and believing you. And Sirius and I think it's sick." Peter coughed. "So does Peter."

I stared at James, feeling my insides boil and my face set in an evil glare made only for the boys. My knees were now shaking for a different reason and my fists were turning white. "You think I'm making all of this up?" I asked, my voice shaking.

James nodded. I shoved him off me, taking him by surprise and began collecting my things together.

"Well that just shows you, that's what I get," I muttered angrily. I threw my empty satchel over my shoulder and made do with carrying all my books clumsily in my arms. "I hope you feel good about yourselves," I hissed, glaring at Sirius more than the other two. "You know I didn't even want another brother! I'm terrified that mum will love Remus more than me! You should hear the way she goes on about what he must be like! So don't you dare say I'm making this up! Why on earth would I change everything in my life, put my parents' marriage in danger and attract all the attention that I never wanted just for a joke?!" I growled, and flounced off back to the common room, wanting only to curl up in bed and maybe catch some more sleep. Suddenly I felt so tired.

When I charged into the common room, still huffing and puffing and steaming over the nerve of the boys, I found the common room deserted. I dropped into one of the armchair by the fire, dumping my things by my feet carelessly and crossed my arms, half pouting and half glaring into the newly lit fire and hoping Sirius and James would fall over during the day. Perhaps not Peter, he really only whimpered throughout that conversation.

"Mira?"

I jumped and spun in my seat to see Remus standing at the bottom of the stairs. "What?" I asked, perhaps cheekier than I meant.

I watched his face, seeing his eyes swell and shrink all in a millisecond as he analysed my mood. His amber eyes seemed to swirl with warmth and comfort as he walked to the chair across from me and took a seat, clasping his hands calmly and never breaking eye contact.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concern etched in his voice. My stomach seemed to squelch at what I had told James and Sirius, and I hoped they wouldn't tell Remus that I had never wanted a brother.

I leaned forward to collect my things and return them to my satchel; I was going to go upstairs and do something nice with my hair, and I was going to drag Jenny to Hogsmeade. I deserved a day out. "I'm fine," I told him bluntly. "Sorry I have to go get ready."

Remus was up on his feet before I had managed to heave myself up. He touched my shoulder with two fingers, before realising what he had done and snatching his hands away, the tinge of a blush on his cheeks. "Er, what are you doing today?"

I scrutinised him roughly, it's not like I had BO or anything, and so he didn't have to act as if he had just got me pregnant by touching me. "Going to Hogsmeade," I answered quickly, twisting round him to get to the girls' dormitories.

"Well I was thinking we could maybe have a day out, you know, to talk," he shrugged, smiling slightly with pathetic shyness.

My stomach wiggled at the thought, but I couldn't talk to Remus for a whole day without being comfortable. "Sorry, I promised Jenny I'd go with her," I told him, not looking the least bit sorry.

He stopped. His face moulded into one of confusion, anger, sadness, depression, so many feelings I felt my head spin. "What's wrong?" he asked, more seriously than before, taking a step forward and taking my hand.

"Nothing," I told him, slipping my hand from his and turning.

"Mira." My name. My name said by his voice stopped me, and I gulped; I swear he had sounded almost like mum for a second. "Tell me."

I looked over my shoulder and frowned at him, "ask Sirius."

**A/N-Sorry for the long wait, I've been swamped and have exams just now, so read and review and I hope you like it! **

**Xx.!**


	5. The Birthday

I flopped onto a random bed and stared at the ceiling, feeling my stomach turn into an ice cube and my feet get pins and needl

The comforting breezes of autumn turned to blizzards as winter arrived, leaving all trees naked in its path and freezing every nose in existence. And with winter came Josh's birthday.

"I don't even know if he's coming anymore," I huffed to Jenny as I packed a small rucksack that would last the weekend at home.

"Has it ever occurred to you just to ask him?" Jenny sniggered.

"It's not like I haven't tried," I pouted. "He's the one whose been ignoring me. If he doesn't show up in McGonagall's office then I'll declare him not coming. Poor mum," I mocked, feeling my face twist.

"Don't be such a mork," Jenny scolded me, nudging me out the dorm and leading the way into the common room.

I saw Sirius and James in the corner of my eye and glared, hoping they saw just how annoyed I was. Jenny laughed and nudged her hip into me once we were out the common room.

"You're such a child," Jenny continued to laugh.

I stuck my tongue out.

"Ah Miss Lewis," Professor McGonagall waved her wand and her fireplace roared into life. "Where is Mr Lupin?"

I opened my mouth to say that the prat wasn't coming, when her office door burst open once more and suddenly Remus was standing next to me, rucksack in hand and looking very out of breath.

"Sorry I'm late Professor," he said, not looking at me.

"It's quite alright, Mr Lupin," Professor McGonagall waved him off. "Now if you two would please step into the fire, Miss Lewis please take some powder," she held out a jug and gestured for me to scoop the dust out.

I ignored the jug for a second while I quickly cuddled Jenny, giving her a pout only she could see. "Say hello to Josh and your mum for me," she told me, giving me a pat on the back and winking. "And I'll see you when you get back".

"Mmkay," I mumbled pathetically, stepping back into the fireplace and scooping some powder out of the jug. I cleared my suddenly aching throat and said loudly, "Brio Cottage, Lanark, Scotland!"

Within seconds I was staring into the familiar old room that was my kitchen. Suddenly my mother engulfed me in a hug. "Mum," I croaked, "Uh, I can't breathe."

She let me go, shakily putting a strand of hair behind her ear as she stared at the boy next to me. "How's school been?" she asked me, though continued to stare at Remus. I rolled my eyes.

"Same as usual, where's Josh?" I asked, peeking under the table for the four year old.

"He's still at nursery," mum replied hazily.

I sighed. "Mum this is Remus, Remus this is the mother," now that I had actually introduced them, mum threw herself at Remus, as though she had been waiting for permission, giving him a much bigger hug than she had ever given me.

I decided it would be better if I left them to it, so I took Remus' rucksack and headed upstairs to the guest room. I had always liked the guest room; it was a pale yellow blur with a perfect view of the garden. I never understood why mum kept a guest room, however, as we never had guests. Dumping his rucksack on his bed, I sat on the window seat. The house always did seem empty without Josh around, but it seemed almost like a cave without dad around either.

I frowned.

Where was he? On Saturdays he always worked in the garden, and he certainly wasn't down in the garden.

"Mi!"

I snapped to attention, finding mum standing in the doorway, with Remus blushing behind her.

"Why don't you show Remus about the village while I make your dinner?" she beamed, her face flushed.

"Mum it's kinda cold outside," I objected pathetically.

"Wrap up warm," she grinned.

"Where's dad?" I asked, trying to avoid going outside.

Mum's face dropped and she hesitated. "Uh, out with some friends."

My eyes narrowed and I walked swiftly from the room, not really noticing Remus following me. He was grinning from ear to ear; his hair all messed up from mum mollycoddling him. "She's amazing!" he exclaimed in a hushed voice. "I mean, amazing!"

I crossed my arms in a huff and went into the living room, dropping into the armchair dad normally sat in. "Dad's at the pub," I told him bluntly.

Remus stared at me quizzically, "is that bad?"

I glared. "Of course it's bad! It means that he and mum still haven't made up yet, meaning that you're arrival certainly won't be helping things when he stumbles home drunk!" I broke off, thinking it probably wasn't best to explain the situation with mum and dad to Remus.

Remus pulled his gaze away from the photo of mum, dad, Josh and I, and stared at me. "I'm sorry about Sirius, James and Peter," he told me quietly. "And I'm sure you're mum and dad will be alright."

I seriously doubted this, but held back a retort. Instead, I collected my coat from the hall cupboard and said tiredly, "Let's go wandering."

The cobble stone road into town was flecked with ice, and more than once Remus had to take my arm to keep me on my feet. I hated it. For some reason, the weather, the lack of Josh and mum's beaming face continued to taunt me and I found myself becoming gloomier by the second.

Remus commented on the village with awe, as though this were his first time in such a small and quiet village. I rolled my eyes at his compliments towards the local park and the beauty of the robins twittering about the forest.

"Mira dear!"

I groaned and spun on the spot, slamming into Remus and finding myself unable to escape. "Mrs Latimer," I chimed, forcing a smile and turning to face the plump old lady.

"What are you doing back so early?" Mrs Latimer huffed, waggling her stick towards me as she hobbled across the cobblestones, eyeing Remus with curiosity.

"It's Josh's birthday tomorrow so I'm back for the weekend," I explained, hoping Remus was hiding behind me; the fewer questions asked about him the better.

"Tosh! Come home for a birthday? Surely school is more important!" she scolded me, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "And who are you?" she demanded of Remus. I hoped she might poke him with her walking stick, but no such luck.

"I'm Remus Lupin, ma'am," Remus forced a smile; I half expected him to curtsy. "A friend of Mira's from school."

"And why are _you_ back as well?" Mrs Latimer forced, her moustache encrusted lip twitching in irritation.

"…morale?" Remus attempted.

"Look we're really sorry, Mrs Latimer, but we were just out to fetch my dad, so we really can't stop to chat," I stated firmly, taking Remus wrist and hauling him a few centimetres; no one could be that strong surely! "See you later Mrs Latimer!"

"Can't- later – morale?? Why in my day…"

"Just keep walking," I hissed at Remus, no longer dragging him as he seemed three steps ahead of me. We skipped round a bend and sooner than expected I saw the local pub snoring, in all its glory, between the doctor's surgery and the local school. Figures, what are we teaching children these days??

"Stay here," I ordered, pointing at Remus and not bothering to wait for a reply. He resolved to simply hovering around a nearby lamppost, throwing me dirty looks every now and then.

I huffed into the pub, nodding in acknowledgment to the barman, feeling awkward. Within seconds I had spotted the man I was looking for and, though slightly intimidated by his drunkenness, stepped forward and poked his arm.

"Dad," I said loudly.

"Marma!" he exclaimed loudly, slurping his tankard of beer over himself and patting his sodden legs in confusion. "Or…uh…Martha…wanted to…but noooo! Your mother wanted M-Mira!"

"Uh, dad?" I prodded his arm again. "Can you get up? I'm going to take you home just now."

He turned to me, his eyes shining with innocence, as though he had only just noticed me. "Hello Marma!" he gave a toothy grin. "You look just like my m-mum!"

"That's lovely, I'm glad I look like an eighty year old transvestite…" I muttered bitterly. Deciding that conversation would take us nowhere, I slipped a hand under his arm and heaved him off the stool.

"Hello Mira," said a cocky voice and I sighed; could this day get any worse?

"Hello Michael," my lips twitched and I felt my cheeks burn. Reluctantly, I let go of dad and turned to observe my new companion, feeling every inch of me shine red. "How've you been?"

Michael's eyebrow twitched and he let loose his trademark smirk, making my stomach boil. "Oh I've been fine," he flicked his gorgeous blonde hair out of his shining blue eyes and took a step closer to me. "Shouldn't you be in school?"

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. "I'm home for Josh's birthday," I stated, feeling the urge to poke him.

"Not home to see me then?" he took another step closer to me and I tensed, taking a step back from him.

"Why would I waste valuable school time?" I snapped. "Right if you'll excuse me, I have a plastered father to get home."

"Who's the puppy outside?" Michael pressed, pulling my hand away from dad, who seemed to have passed out on the bar. Though I couldn't care less.

"What puppy?" I snatched my hand back and unconsciously glanced outside. Michael raised an eyebrow at me.

"New boyfriend?"

I snorted, "New brother, actually."

His eyebrows were lost in his hair and he turned, "Brother? Doesn't look like you. Not nearly slutty enough."

I narrowed my eyes. "I'm not in the mood for what you call a sense of humour," I snapped, turning to the barman and adding, "When he wakes up, tell him to come straight home." The barman nodded and turned back to cleaning the under side of the bar.

"Oh we both know just how much you love my sense of humour," Michael drawled. "What do you think, back to my place?"

I swatted his arm. "That's over and you know it," I hissed, glancing to the door, where Remus was hovering awkwardly, eyeing Michael with distrust.

"I know it, but I can never turn down someone in need," Michael smirked, leaning closer to me and running a hand down my arm.

I rolled my eyes. "You're not attractive at all, Michael, so let's just leave it at that so I can get back."

He shrugged, dropping his arm and stepping away to order at the bar. "Give me a call sometime, we both know you will," he called as I huffed out of the pub.

"What was that about?" Remus asked, his eyes narrowing on Michael's back.

"Just an old ass," I muttered angrily. "Come on, I'm hungry."

"Is your dad not coming back?" he asked, trotting slightly to keep up with my angry strides.

"No, he's so hammered that he's now passed out on the bar," I huffed.

"Mira," Remus caught my arm and twirled me round, holding me to his chest. "Things will be okay," he told me quietly, "you don't need to hold everything up." And, somewhat awkwardly, he hugged me. Huh.

"Umm, thanks," I murmured, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ears and feeling my stomach clench with guilt. "I'm…I'm sorry for being so grumpy," I choked, hiding my blushing face behind my hair.

Remus smiled knowingly, "I think after my friends' behaviour you had every right. But I'm sorry I avoided you while at school," he ducked his head slightly, "I didn't think you still wanted me here and James ended up forcing me to go to McGonagall's office."

I smiled pathetically and gave him one last forced hug. "Right," I shook myself. "Let's stop this mush, I'm hungry. There's a nice café just round the corner here that serves amazing coffee."

We found a table easily and I bought us both two large mugs of coffee. I sighed into my mug, feeling oddly relieved to be near Remus.

"So, what's Josh like?" Remus asked, blowing on his coffee to cool it down.

I shrugged, quite unsure as to how to describe my little brother. "He likes to giggle, and he likes the neighbours' cat. He likes playing hide and seek and will do anything for cookies," I thought out loud, feeling a smile tug at my lips as I thought of the toerag.

"Does he look like you?" Remus asked lightly, sipping his coffee.

I shrugged, "He has my dad's eyes. You'll know what he looks like when you see him," I brushed his questions away, becoming tired of thinking. "I don't know what's more stressful, being back here in all this unnecessary drama, or at school with mountains of homework which I'll never catch up with."

"Things here will clear up soon enough," Remus told me, smiling comfortingly. "I think I've said that too many times. But as for school, why don't you get a tutor?"

I wrinkled my nose. "I can do the work, I just don't have the time for it."

"Well you need Lily," Remus grinned.

"As in the Head Girl?" I raised an eyebrow.

Remus nodded, "She's not as insane as you think. She helps me when I get behind in my work, a complete miracle worker. I can talk to her if you like."

I stared thoughtfully at a crumb on the table; did I need help? "You won't make me out as a pathetic weakling?" I poked his arm with my index, making a face.

Remus grinned mischievously. "That's quite impossible to do, I assure you."

I rolled my eyes. "Then, maybe. It'll be humiliating enough just thinking about getting help."

"Oh don't be so melodramatic," Remus told me.

We finished our coffees and after a quick wander around the local shops, at which time Remus bought Josh his birthday present, we stumbled down the icy road home, and I felt oddly pleased with my day. Who knew Remus could be so…not annoying. And for some absurd reason, I found myself smiling as he slugged an arm around my shoulders to keep me warm. Lovely boy.

"We're back," I called into the house. I heard a squeal and a shriek, and felt a grin explode on my face.

"I didn't think you'd take that long," mum told me, tugging a grinning Josh by her side as she made her way down the stairs.

"We stopped for coffee," I told her shortly, opening my arms for Josh. "Hey there little one!" I cooed and he toddled over, eyeing Remus suspiciously. But whatever oddness he found in Remus he soon forgot as I collected him in my arms and shoogled him. "How've you been?"

Josh stuffed his fists in his mouth and giggled, glancing from me to Remus and refusing to say a word. I looked over at Remus, who was staring at Josh in awe, but unsure as to what he should do with himself. "Josh, this is your big brother, Remus," I told him, pointing at Remus, who waved awkwardly.

Mum beamed, rubbing her hands on her small apron and shuffling through to the kitchen. I rolled my eyes at Remus being so unsure and moved closer, roughly planting Josh in Remus' arms. I smiled despite at their faces despite myself. Josh stared in bewilderment at such a scarred but kind face, and Remus stared in awe, I half expected him to poke Josh to make sure he was real.

"Um, hello, Josh," Remus forced out, stringing a smile together and adjusting the toddler's position in his arms.

Josh remained quiet, glancing questioningly at me. I grinned, "I think it's cookie time."

Josh's face lit up and he cried, "Cookie time!!"

Later that evening I found myself sitting comfortably in the living room with a mug of hot chocolate, a crackling fire and Remus. Mum had put Josh to bed hours before and had only minutes earlier excused herself to bed. Dad was still to come home, but I refused to worry about him; if he wanted to die of liver failure then fine.

Remus gulped down the last of his hot chocolate, glancing once at me and once at the back door. So he was anxious about dad as well. I found it slightly disturbing that Remus and I were more worried about dad than mum was, but didn't dwell on it.

"So," Remus said, his throat husky from the heat of the hot chocolate. "Tell me about that guy in the pub."

I looked up, surprised at his question. If anything I would have expected him to ask about dad. "Umm, what do you want to know?" I shrugged, not particularly keen on dwelling on Michael.

"Who is he?" he watched me, waiting for something to flicker.

"Michael Gilmore," I told him. "He left Hogwarts about three years ago. We went to the same primary."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "What did he want with you? You didn't look too pleased to see him."

I tucked my feet underneath me and took another gulp of hot chocolate. I shrugged. "We had a…thing, a while ago," I waved my hand airily, hoping that explanation would suffice.

"A thing?" Remus raised an eyebrow. "Not a relationship, just a…thing?"

I nodded. That was pretty much it.

"So…what did this thing entail?" he pushed on, making me frown.

"Do we have to talk about this?" I said sharply, shifting from the chair and poking the burning fire with the metal rod. Stupid fire was burning out…

"Not if you don't want to," he shrugged.

"I don't want to," I snapped.

"Okay then."

"Right."

"Whatever you say."

"It is what I say."

"Yep."

I glared at him.

"What?" he said innocently.

"Why-"

"The loooong and winding rooooad!!" there was a crash and a grunt, and I knew dad was home.

I huffed and ran to the kitchen, where I found the very man sprawled on the floor, drooling on the carpet. I had the urge to kick him. "Help me," I hooked my hands under dad's shoulders just as Remus collected his feet. Together, we stowed dad roughly on the couch and left him there.

"I'm going to bed," I muttered.

I nodded a bitter goodnight before slamming the door to my room. I heard clattering and then a quite click of a door, and I knew Remus was down for the night as well.

O

I was woken by the shrieks and squeals of the birthday boy. Josh bounced hysterically onto my bed and tugged at my hair. "Mira! Get up! Get up! I'm old!"

I peeked an eye open, but quickly closed it again.

"Mira?"

"Mm…"

Josh huffed off my bed and padded out of my room. "Daddy!" he shrieked, "I'm old!"

"Happy birthday little one," said dad, and I buried myself further under the sheets.

There was a creak of a door and the clapping of shoes on my wooden floor, and dad sat on the side of my bed. I huffed silently and curled myself into a ball; hopefully he'll catch onto my body language and die…

"I heard Remus is staying here," he said conversationally. Well done, genius…

…

He sighed and pulled my sheets off my head, revealing my unblinking eyes and a glare that could freeze hell. "I'm sorry you had to deal with me last night," he told me, not looking sorry at all.

"I think I'm going to get dressed now," I told him blankly, rolling out of bed and heading for the shower. When I got out, he was already downstairs.

I stepped out into the hallway just as Remus closed his bedroom door. "Morning," he smiled, though he looked considerably paler than usual, I commented on this and he replied with a muttered, "full moon in a week."

I nodded dumbly, unable to think of anything comforting. "Dad's up," I told him stupidly.

"Huh," Remus frowned, was someone nervous?

"Morning chickens!" mum cried as we entered the kitchen. She beamed at us and sat us both forcefully down so she could feed us. "We're having Josh's cake after lunch."

"You made it?" I enquired, glancing around the kitchen for the glory cake.

"Of course," mum smiled with pride. "Josh loves my cakes."

"Well I've spoken to the milk boy, I doubt he'll be giving us the wrong milk anymore; I probably scared him out of a job," dad joked as he stepped into the kitchen, but froze when he saw a young man sitting in his chair.

Remus stumbled to his feet and held out his hand, "Umm, Remus Lupin, sir, nice to meet you."

Dad's eyes flittered from Remus' hand to mum, as though waiting for confirmation that he didn't have an infectious disease.

"Remus has really been looking forward to meeting his brother," I told dad conversationally. "He hardly spoke of anything else before we left school."

Dad frowned slightly and, ignoring Remus' hand and all manners, sat down in Remus' old chair, leaving Remus without a seat. I glared at dad and shunted my chair further away from him.

I threw a smile at Remus and gestured for the seat next to me instead, which he took without a word, his eyes trained on the table. Mum cleared her throat, "Bacon?"

Immediately after breakfast, I hauled Remus up to my bedroom so that he was out of the way of dad. I collapsed on my bed, liking the way the rough fabric rubbed my cheek. Remus stood at the door, taking in my childish bedroom and smiling stupidly. "So you liked the Monkees?" he sniggered.

I blushed at my many posters of the band. "Still do," I stuck my chin our defensively.

"Hmm," Remus teased, dropping onto the end of the bed and laying his head next to mine. "You're dad hates me," he said bluntly.

I snorted, "of course he hates you."

"Well gee don't give me sympathy or anything," Remus flicked my head.

"Are you going to tell mum about your lycanthrope?"

I waited for an answer, but he didn't seem to want to reply. "I mean I'm not going to tell them, I'll leave that to you," I added. "I was just wondering if you were going to tell mum while we're here, nicer than in a letter, you know?"

He grunted in reply.

I sighed tiredly into my pillow, closing my eyes to block out the silence.

"What exactly did that 'thing' with Gilmore entail?"

I groaned. "Nothing."

"No really, I want to know," he said, adjusting his position on the bed so that he could look me straight in the face.

I glared. "Why?"

"Because," he poked my shoulder. "I'm taking my place as the protective older brother."

"Oh shut up."

"…"

"…"

"Tell me."

I gave a frustrated cry before smacking him with my pillow. "It was that dodgy?" Remus teased.

I rolled my eyes. "I don't see why even a protective older brother should know about my sex life."

"Eew…"

"Exactly my point!"

I was surprised to find a morning with Remus quite bearable, actually. I found myself spilling all my favourite times with Jenny, my sorting, my first day at primary, the list goes on. And I had no idea how he got it out of me. One glance at that honest smile let loose a flood of stories, which I would never have divulged to anyone before. He was too like mum for my liking. But, the benefits of spilling first are that he had to answer all of my questions.

"…Well, they're sort of, illegal Animagi," Remus said sheepishly, ducking his head.

I laughed. Who couldn't? I knew he wasn't joking. That was the humour of it all. I ruffled his hair and grinned, "Only you four would think of that."

He shrugged, smiling. "It helps," he told me, and I said no more.

There was a knock on the door and we both looked up as mum tottered in the doorway. She beamed at us; with Remus on his stomach hanging off the edge of the bed, and me on my back doing the same, we must have looked quite the pair.

"Lunch is out," she told us, and Remus immediately sat up to look more gentlemanly. She smiled surreptitiously at me.

"Um, okay, we'll be down in a sec," I told her.

"Actually, Marie, can I, uh, can I talk to you, um, alone?" Remus interjected hastily, bestowing me a glance that sent me flying out the room.

I heard the click of my bedroom door and felt oddly relieved to be out the room. Obviously no one would like to be around _that_ sort of conversation, but I suppose it helped that I had a wall between us to stop be fretting.

Scratch that.

I sat at the kitchen table, picking at an apple and fretting beyond any other fretting that's ever taken place, and was unable to take my mind off Remus. Poor Remus. Okay no more sympathy given. I know him well enough not to give him sympathy.

"How's it going, kiddo?" dad strolled into the kitchen and sat next to me, plucking an apple from the fruit basket and biting it. I watched the juice dribble down his chin.

"Fantastic."

He nudged me with his elbow. "Where's the puppy?" he asked, a slight edge to his voice.

"Why does everyone call Remus a puppy?" I glared.

He shrugged. "He looks like one. All lost and pathetic."

"And you wonder why," I snapped.

"Hey, check that attitude," he frowned.

"I'll check my attitude when you check your alcohol consumption."

"Where is Remus anyway?" he said hurriedly.

"He's up speaking to mum," I returned to picking my apple.

"Why?"

"Is he not allowed to speak to his mother?" I replied in a bored voice.

"What's he saying?"

"Do I have super hearing?" I glared. "I don't think so."

I was rather surprised that dad hadn't blown his top for my cheekiness yet, but all he did to show his dislike of what I was saying, was to eat his apple a little more aggressive than before.

I heard footsteps upstairs and practically fell off my seat in my hurry to get into the hallway. And there was mum, her arm through Remus', smiling. Lovely. Remus sent me what I could describe as the most relieved smile in the history of smiles, and headed for the living room.

Soon after we found Josh and gave him his birthday presents. I gave him a small toy broomstick for him to practise on. What? Just because he hasn't shown magic yet doesn't mean he won't like Quidditch. Mum gave him the cake and dad gave him a football, figures. I couldn't stop smiling when Remus gave him a big packet of chocolate biscuits.

The cake was then brought through, and Josh was falling over himself in excitement at the large iced words "happy birthday Josh" ("That's just like my name!"). And as I sat eating my piece of cake, crunching down the icing and satisfying my sweet tooth, I decided that if it weren't for dad being an ass, this weekend had turned out pretty well.

**A/N** - So this wasn't very eventful, but hopefully I've opened some doors to a wee bit more excitement and perhaps have thought of some more ideas to make this boring story brilliant! I'm sorry if the writing aint up to much, it's 11:45pm and I need my sleep, especially since I'm leaving for Italy in like four hours squee! yay me! So please review to make my return all the nicer!


	6. Emotions!

With packed bags and sad faces, we stepped into the fireplace. Josh clung desperately to my leg and shrieked for us to stay.

"We're only going for a couple of months, Josh," I told him. "It's not like you'll never see us again."

Josh pouted, but reluctantly let me go. I planted a wet kiss on his forehead, Remus ruffled his hair, and we headed for Hogwarts. Needless to say the whole experience was rather enjoyable. Even if I did find dad a bit of a pain when Remus was in the conversation. Somehow, during the snappy remarks and small talk that took place, Remus and I had grown closer. Not close enough to be called best friends, or Siamese twins, but close. Close enough to comfort each other.

So I went back to Hogwarts looking forward to classes, passing him in the corridors, having breakfast with him. Although the matter of his three best friends had to be sorted.

"You're back!"

"Moony we missed you!"

"Did you bring us any presents?!"

They silenced as I walked into view behind Remus, a glower set in stone and my arms crossed. "Uh, hey, Mimi," Sirius attempted a wave, but fell limp as I continued to glare.

"So," I said clearly. "You guys are asses."

I watched with amusement as they all gulped simultaneously, hanging their heads in shame. Remus took his place next to James and grinned maniacally.

"I'm away to unpack," I said bluntly, brushing past them and heading for my dorm. What? A little mock punishment never went amiss.

That only lasted a few hours, I admit. The boys' teasing and constant probing as to how the birthday went shattered my cold exterior and I found myself helping Remus explain the birthday. He seemed to understand that Michael could be left alone. I was thankful.

James, Sirius and Peter were determined to reposition themselves in my good favour and so stuck to me like glue for several days, carrying my bags, helping with my homework. So much so that I found myself exhausted by twelve in the afternoon every day.

Time with Jenny was heaven. She was quieter than usual, and we tended to sit in silence as we read books, or did homework, or simply stared at the ceiling. At first I found her silence rather intimidating; Jenny was never silent. But after a lot of pointless attempts, I declared her a mute.

It was only until one Thursday night, while we were all gathered together around the common room fire, that I realised why Jenny was resorting to such a shy exterior.

"I hate astronomy," I murmured pathetically. It probably would help with my homework if I had a telescope and a big bit of sky, but I never liked the Astronomy Tower; it was dark and dreary, and one never knew what kind of kinky couple one might discover in venturing up there.

"Let me see," Sirius abandoned his N.E.W.T. Transfiguration and pulled my graph work towards him. He raised an eyebrow. "Why aren't you in the Astronomy Tower doing this?" he sniggered.

I shrugged, not wanting to divulge my pathetic fears.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're insane," he pushed my homework back at me and began collecting his own into his satchel.

"What're you doing?" James murmured from his Potions work, not looking up.

"I'm taking little miss over here up to the Astronomy Tower," Sirius told the group at large, winking slyly at me and forcing a blush to my ears.

Remus narrowed his eyes at Sirius, but said nothing.

"Remus you take Ancient Ruins, right?" Jenny asked; her face troubled as she nibbled her quill. Remus nodded, tearing his eyes away from Sirius. "I'm stuck on this chapter," Jenny nudged her textbook towards him.

With a sigh, I threw my books into my satchel and carried my Astronomy papers by hand. "I don't have my telescope," I said stupidly. My telescope was still up in my dorm, unused since third year.

"I have mine," Sirius pulled his from his satchel and waved it victoriously. "Now let's get going, if we're quick we can make a pit-stop at the kitchens on the way back before Slughorn gets peckish."

I watched curiously as Jenny and Remus shuffled closer to one another, their eyes trained on their books but their minds floating somewhere closer. I stifled a giggle as I followed Sirius out of the portrait hole.

"What's so funny?" he asked casually, twirling his telescope between his fingers and striding too fast for my taste.

"Jenny and Remus," I choked back another giggle. "She's the magnet and he's the metal."

Sirius snorted at my pathetic metaphor and threw me a look, smiling. "I thought she would have liked Pete," he confessed. He noticed how I was almost skipping to keep up with him, and mercifully slowed down.

I wrinkled my nose despite myself. "Peter's lovely, but he's too quiet," I told Sirius.

"Jenny's quiet," Sirius pointed out, round a bend and climbing a swinging staircase.

I followed quickly behind him. "She's only been quiet since I got back," I told him smartly.

"And why's she quiet?"

"Because she likes Remus," I told him, feeling the tease in my voice as I poked his shoulder. "Wouldn't it be lovely if they got together?"

Since when did I talk so girly? I shook my head roughly and concentrated on keeping up with Sirius. Soon enough, he threw open the Astronomy Tower door and bowed as I walked in. I grinned.

"Right, let's get your homework done, I'm hungry," he said, unfolding his telescope and sitting it carefully by the window. I matched up all my charts and papers and lay them on the floor by his feet, feeling a chill sweep my body as a small wind blew through the window.

"You okay?" Sirius asked, still peering through his telescope and adjusting the lenses to the night sky.

"What? Oh, yes," I shrugged, even though he couldn't see me.

"Right, give that a try," he shifted to the left so I could get to the telescope and I peeked into it. I couldn't see a thing.

"Nope, blank skies," I told him, hoping I didn't sound as bitter as I felt. I hated Astronomy.

"Huh," Sirius murmured nearby. I felt his arm brush mine as he twirled the knobs this way and that, refocusing the scope to my liking. "What about now?"

I screwed up my eyes. "Still a bit blurry."

Sirius huffed slightly. "Wait a sec." And suddenly he was all around me. I started in surprise as his arms surrounded me to reach the telescope. I blinked a few times as his chest pressed against my back, his whole body moulding against mine so he may fix his telescope. I felt oddly noticeable, and protected. I shivered against his robes and had the urge to lean back against him, to let his scent engulf me.

I shook my head roughly just as Sirius' face appeared by my shoulder. "There," he murmured, millimetres from my ear. The hair on my neck tingled happily. He kept his hands on the telescope for good measure, as I adjusted my eyes to the sky, and I saw Jupiter.

"Got it," I told him, my voice cracking the silence like a whip and I wished I had whispered. I reached up a hand to twist one of the knobs around so I might zoom in on Jupiter, but Sirius' hand was already there. For a split second my hand rested on his, before I snapped mine back and recoiled into myself, why was I so bothered?

His chest tensed against my skin, and his arms were back by his side. I felt his breath on my neck before he leaned back and began shuffling through my papers, his hands dropping sheets and shaking slightly. I frowned.

"Right, you got that all set then? You don't need me?" he asked, not looking up from my notes.

"Umm, I guess not…" I didn't want him to leave; the Astronomy Tower gave me the creeps!

"Right, well, I'll head back then," he said, his words rather rushed as he gathered his things. "You can give the telescope back another time."

"Didn't you want to get some food?" I attempted weakly.

"I'm not that hungry anymore," he told me, opening the door. "Um, good luck with the, uh, telescope."

And so suddenly I could have sworn he was never there to begin with, he was out the room with the door closed. I frowned, turning back to the telescope. At least he fixed the scope for me to finish my work, I thought pathetically.

But one look through the telescope showed me that I had lost Jupiter. In the two seconds I had looked away, I must have knocked it.

I spent the remainder of the night attempting to find it again, but to no avail. So it was with a heavy heart and one beast of a headache that I trudged back to the common room.

Jenny and Remus were still sitting by the fire, though no homework was on the table. Jenny was giggling. I frowned over at them; they were both on the floor, playing exploding snap. And having a lovely time.

I huffed. What if I didn't want Jenny near Remus? He was my brother after all. Who cares that I had originally thought it would be nice? My Astronomy homework went terribly and Sirius acted as though I had rabies, they had no right to be so happy!

So I ignored Jenny's calls for me to join them and I stomped up to my bed.

OoO

"Hogsmeade this weekend," Jenny commented over her pumpkin juice.

I munched on my toast, deciding that she didn't need a reply.

"Mira?" she prodded. "You feeling okay?"

"Morning," said Remus, he dropped into the seat next to me and started munching on my bacon. I glowered. "What's wrong with you?" he asked, observing my sleep-deprived appearance.

"Nothing," I grunted.

"Oh it's not nothing," Jenny scolded me. She turned to Remus, "she was up all night staring at the ceiling and not being able to sleep."

I glared, "How would you know?"

"I have been rooming with you for six years, Mi," Jenny raised an eyebrow.

Remus frowned at me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I rolled my eyes and got to my feet. "I'm going for a walk."

"Better make it a quick walk, class in five minutes," Jenny called after me, and I gave her an absent-minded wave in reply.

I threw my satchel carelessly over my shoulder and slouched out into the grounds, taking a seat on a bench by the lake. I gave a pathetic huff.

"Hello smelly," said a sniggering voice.

I rolled my eyes with a grin and spun to find Jude Anderson loitering by the seat. He was in my Astronomy class, and he attempted to bear the load with me but found himself loving the subject, to my dismay. "Might if I sit?" he joked, sitting down without awaiting an answer. I glanced behind him to see Jude's usual crowd of people waiting by the pillars for him to come back so they could go to class.

"What can I do for you?" I asked, forcing a smile since he obviously wanted something.

"Have you done the Astronomy homework yet?" he asked, his neck tinged.

I narrowed my eyes. "No, I was hoping I could copy you."

"Dammit; I forgot to do it and I have Quidditch tonight so I won't have time," he confessed, embarrassed that he hadn't done the homework of his favourite subject.

I rolled my eyes, "Okay, I'll come by at the end of your practise tonight and we'll go work on it."

He grinned, "Right then, I'll see you tonight."

I waved as he headed back to his friends and to class, and returned to my original huff.

"So, what you doing tonight?"

I snapped my head round to find Sirius, his hands deep in his pockets and a frown on his lips. He didn't sit next to me, simply sauntered around that one spot, scrutinising me as I said carefully, "Astronomy homework."

"Didn't you do that last night?" he said sceptically.

I narrowed my eyes. "I didn't finish it," I told him. I reached into my satchel and pulled out his telescope. I got to my feet and thrust it into his hand, "thanks for letting me borrow it. But I'll use mine tonight."

Sirius frowned down at the golden scope, flipping and tossing it thoughtfully as I walked back into the Great Hall and collected Jenny, whom I found once again giggling, to go to class.

The day trudged by at such a slow pace that I found myself daydreaming in every class. My slow replying and dazed expression agitated Jenny into passing notes and flicking balls of squished paper at my nose when I wasn't prepared, making my mood plummet to even more huffy and shrivelled. And to add to my perfect day, it started raining. I sighed into my palm as I stared out the plastered window of Transfiguration, thinking gloomily of Jude's practise tonight.

For the tenth time in a ten-minute time span, I got whacked on the face by a scrunched up bit of paper, and I glared at Jenny. She gestured for me to open it and, grudgingly, I read it.

_Library tonight? We've got that Potions essay to do._

I glanced up and felt a tiny twinge of guilt. I pushed it aside; it's not like I could blow Jude off when he asked first.

_Sorry, studying Astronomy with Jude tonight._

_Oh I see. _Jenny sniggered up at me and I glowered. _So, in the Astronomy Tower I'm guessing?_

_Yes, that is where you do Astronomy homework. Don't be getting kinky ideas, it's just homework._

_I thought you did that homework last night? Wasn't Sirius enough for you? _

I glared at Jenny and kicked her under the table. "It was just homework," I hissed, ducking when McGonagall glanced up from her desk and narrowed her suspicious eyes at me.

"Remus said he didn't come back until late last night," she whispered back, wiggling her eyebrows.

I stared. "You saw me come in, how would that even fit?"

"Miss Lewis, either you refrain from talking in my class, or you see me after," McGonagall said promptly, her eyes narrowing on me.

"Uh, I'll stop talking," I mumbled, my cheeks flushing.

"You'll have to let me know how things go with Jude tonight," Jenny winked at me as we headed for the grounds during our free period. "Not quite a Sirius but Jude's kinda cute."

"Jenny!" I hissed, glancing worriedly at the approaching Jude and hoping he hadn't seen us.

"Hello," he grinned, his hands in his pockets as he fell into step with us.

"Uh hey," I said awkwardly, trying to get the mental images of an Astronomy Tower out of my head.

"You mind if I join you for the period? My friends are all still in Herbology," he told us. I nodded dumbly.

"That's fine," Jenny beamed, bumping her hip into mine and winking surreptitiously. I glared.

"Mira! Jenny!" I glanced down the hill to find Remus and Sirius both sitting under a tree, waving for us to join them.

Jude eyed me critically and said, "When were you going to tell me you had a brother?"

I made to reply, but thought better of it and simply walked down to the tree.

"Hey I was only joking," Jude chuckled. "Everyone already knows anyway."

I swatted his arm pathetically, not having the energy to give him a real telling.

"Afternoon," Remus grinned, glancing swiftly at Jenny and gesturing for us to sit down.

"Where are James and Peter?" Jenny asked, blushing pink and sitting next to Remus. I sat beside her, pleased that Jude saw fit to separate me from Sirius.

"They're in Muggle Studies just now," Remus told her, wriggling his tie uncomfortably and sighing.

"Oh by the way, this is Jude," I explained.

"Hufflepuff Chaser?" Sirius pointed at him, deciding on whether or not he was right.

Jude grinned smugly, "Since third year."

"I recognise the heads I've hit," Sirius murmured to himself, referring to his beater position and violently plucking blades of grass from the ground.

I narrowed my eyes. "Yeah he's got a practise tonight," I told Remus and Sirius.

Jenny wiggled her eyebrows at me and I threw a book at her. She giggled, but hid her grin.

"So, um, you two are brother and sister?" Jude plucked up some conversation and Remus sat upright.

"Yep," he grinned, glancing at me.

"Huh," Jude tilted his head and looked between Remus and me. "How did that happen?"

I yawned, "My mum, his mum, same person," I explained tiredly.

"Huh," Jude nodded, resting his chin in his palm and smiling at me.

I smiled back despite myself.

"So," Sirius said cuttingly. "How do you two know each other?" he demanded.

I stared at Sirius quizzically. "He's in my Astronomy class."

"Really?" he stared between Jude and I. "Huh."

The bell rang distantly up the hill, signalling the end of that period and I got to my feet. "Well, we'll see you guys later I guess," I said to Remus and Sirius, as Jenny and Jude also got to their feet and we headed up the hill. Remus waved goodbye and Sirius, after throwing me a sceptical smirk in my direction, pulled out a book. I glared. Jenny waved goodbye as she headed for Divination and left Jude and I on our own to walk to Astronomy. I groaned.

"Can we not just skip?" I pouted.

Jude slung an arm around my shoulders. "But this is my favourite subject," he told me promptly, leading me against my will to the Astronomy classroom.

We took our usual seats at the back of the classroom and chatted with the other pupils nearest us, but when class started Jude's eyes snapped to attention and he began note taking, while I sighed in boredom. Why did I even take this class? Jenny had warned me that it would suck. I ripped up a bit of parchment, keeping a careful eye on the teacher (though there was no point as she was simply dictating out of a book and barely ever looked at the class), and scribbled a quick note. I slipped it onto Jude's side of the desk and waited impatiently for him to reply.

This isn't exactly taking notes you know, he sniggered, tossing the note back. Have mercy on a bored girl and talk to me!

_Well what do you want to talk about? _

_I don't know. _

_This is pointless. No wonder you're failing this class._

_Hey I'm not failing! I'm just, not on good terms with the teacher. _

_Whatever you say. So what's it like having a big brother?_

I grinned._ Oh simply superb. He was at my house last weekend for my little brother's birthday. Was quite good._

_Great. I'll have to talk to him more then. What was up with Black?_

I don't know, what was up with Black?

Jude threw me a quizzical glance and scrunched up my note, returning to his note taking. I frowned and glanced up at the teacher, still dictating. I didn't know what was making Sirius so grumpy all afternoon; surely I had more right to be grumpy than Sirius? I made a mental note to talk to Remus about him.

The double period of Astronomy dragged on for what felt like eternity, and I amused myself by throwing paper balls at Jude whenever he was frowning too much. He glared at lot that day.

I pulled off my robes and made do with just a skirt and breezy shirt, and threw my satchel over my shoulder, slipping the robes round the strap so I wouldn't have to carry them. We arrived at the Great Hall for lunch and I dropped into my seat, feeling my lack of sleep finally ebb into my eyes.

I forced a weak smile as Jenny sat across from me, though she hardly noticed as she began piling a wide variety of food onto her plate and gobbling it all down. So I found myself staring pointlessly at my plate, not quite sure if a rumbling tummy was a symptom of sleep deprivation or simply hunger.

But I was interrupted in my random train of thought as Bird flopped down next to my forearm and nipped my finger affectionately. I frowned at the unfamiliar writing on the envelope and ignored Jenny's questioning stare and incomprehensible words through her food as I ripped the letter open, slipping Bird a small treat before he flew away.

I frowned quietly as my eyes flitted across the letter, and I felt Remus sit down beside me and hurried to shield the letter from his prying eyes.

"Who's that from?" he asked, pouring himself and I some pumpkin juice and piling his plate high.

"Nobody," I said lightly, sipping my juice and slipping the letter into my robes.

"Really, who's it from?" Jenny chimed in, staring curiously at my pocket.

I shrugged. "Just an advertisement from the Daily Prophet, I like reading them."

Remus frowned, but neither said another word.

"By the way," I cleared my throat and turned to Remus. "What's wrong with Sirius?"

Remus halted mid-chew. "I don't know, what's wrong with Sirius?"

"What's wrong with Sirius?" said James, as he sat down opposite Remus and I.

"Yeah, what's wrong with Sirius?" said the very boy himself as he sat next to me and glowered.

I ignored the sudden feeling of being out of my depth and said delicately, "Jude had mentioned that you were a bit weird when we were on the grounds."

"Oh, he did, did he?" he replied casually.

"Um, yeah, he did," I raised an eyebrow. "Care to elaborate?"

"Well I don't know," he mocked, and so quickly that I barely noticed what was happening, he had my letter in his hands. "Care to elaborate?"

"Not to you of all people, no," I glared and attempted to snatch it back.

"Same here, actually," he told me brightly. "So keep your nose out of my business."

"No need to be such a mork," Jenny told him smartly. "She was just making sure you're okay."

"She was not," Sirius snapped.

"Um she kinda was, mate," James said awkwardly.

"I agree," Remus chimed in; a firm frown on his face.

"Give me my letter," I hissed, reaching for it once more.

He gave a noise bordering on a snort and dropped the letter on the table, before moving swiftly for the door and out of my sight.

I folded my letter slowly, slipping it into my pocket and slowly collecting my things. I could tell from their awkward silence that everyone else had no idea what was going on with Sirius, and for some reason I found myself needing some space. What should I think when I've got guilt in the pit of my stomach and I have no idea why?

I sighed pathetically and trudged up to my dorm, thinking that perhaps just a little quiet time would provide me with an answer to Michael's letter. After all, an afternoon in Hogsmeade wasn't exactly slutty. It would be refreshing to visit the village with a companion who wasn't Jenny or the boys. The only problem I had was that Michael would undoubtedly try something to get me into a corner; he always did when he got the chance.

Though from somewhere above this analysis, I found myself scribbling a rough letter of reply, telling him that yes, I would love to meet up with him and have a cup of tea. Who doesn't like a cup of tea? And I proceeded to the owlery later that evening, determinedly avoiding the burning letter in my pocket and hoping that once it was attached to a flying owl I wouldn't be so excited about the situation.

Too bad my hopes were a load of rubbish.

I watched the small school owl flutter in the distance with my letter, and I felt a burning sensation in the pit of my stomach, and butterflies began to breed around my mid-drift.

I let out a ragged sigh of disapproval and dropped onto the owlery steps with my head in my hands. Surely Michael's affect on me shouldn't even exist? It had been last summer so it wasn't as if we had only just called it quits. But still, the fluttering and excitement remained as I thought back to all those secretive nights hidden in his garage, or in my garden shed, or even that time on the local pub's pool table simply because we couldn't wait for each other.

A hollow laugh escaped my lips and I felt suddenly heated at the idea. Although I did tag myself as a bit of a slut back then, I felt my face flush with the sudden need for someone and I had to question myself. I had lasted a year without sex after all. I had enough on my plate to think of. But sometimes, I had to admit; a girl could miss it.

"Are you going to sit there all night or do I have to climb over you?" came a dry voice from the darkness, and I glowered up at Sirius, who stood slightly away from me, quickly hiding a letter in his pocket and displaying a face of boredom.

Not knowing what else to do, I got to my feet and felt my cheeks flush at my previous thoughts while someone was watching. "What are you doing here?" I asked stupidly.

He raised an eyebrow. "What else can I do in an owlery?"

Once again, I felt the need to kick myself as my face flushed a deep red. "W-well," I flustered with a sigh.

"Well nothing, get out my way," he told me, stepping round me and heading into the building.

"What is wrong with you?" I demanded, following behind him and glaring.

"Nothing's wrong with me, what's wrong with you?" he replied, tying a letter to a small owl's leg.

"Stop avoiding the question," I snapped. "You've been nothing but an ass to me and I want to know why."

"I've not been an ass to anyone," he told me, refusing to turn and look at me, despite the fact that there was no longer an owl to be handled.

So I stepped around him to stand in front of him, glaring up into his dark eyes and feeling the heat in my cheeks intensify. "You're the biggest ass I know," I told him heatedly.

"Well then, I'll be sure to collect my trophy," he said sarcastically, but he still didn't move away.

I rolled my eyes. "What is it that I've apparently done? Jude's noticed it as well, he thinks you're the grumpiest bum he's ever met!"

"Who gives a shit what that guy thinks," he murmured in boredom, sinking his hands into his pockets and staring at anything but me.

"Um me maybe?" I glared. Maybe I could kick him.

He gave a dry laugh that sounded like he was choking, and I huffed around him, bumping his shoulder as best I could. But he caught me before I got to the door and for a second I thought he would be angry, but what I saw in his eyes was nothing like anger.

Before I could do anything about anything, I had his hair through my fingers and was enjoying the feel of his body so close to mine, and had no idea how I got to be there.

I heard a soft moan somewhere in the distance, and thought distantly that it might be me, but as Sirius' tongue brushed my lips, I forgot all thoughts of rationality and ducked him down to deepen the kiss. His hands were everywhere. The fluttering in my stomach had intensified, so much so that I had electric bolts running up and down my spine and felt shivers in my fingers and toes. Where the hell had this come from?

But every time this exact question came to mind and I thought of stopping our hysterical acts, his thumb would brush across a patch of my bare skin and I couldn't give a flying pig what I was doing, as long as he was as close to me as possible, I didn't care.

The kiss intensified, and I felt him tug at my shirt until I felt his hands wander underneath it, and I felt my breath halt with excitement. Suddenly there was a wall behind me, and the random thought of us being on the outer rim of the owlery flitted across my mind. And somehow my robes were falling off my shoulder though I couldn't remember unbuttoning them, and he was kissing my neck and it felt so good and-

"Ahem."

Like skin on an open flame, we sprang apart from each other until Sirius was almost against the opposite wall, and we both turned simultaneously to see who the damned intruder was.

Lily Evans stood, the wind blowing her amber hair about her face until it had her huffing in annoyance, with a raised eyebrow and a twitching set of lips. "This is a public building," she told us smartly. She glanced furtively in my direction and raised another eyebrow until they both disappeared behind her fringe. "If you could refrain from mauling fellow students until you are in a more private place, I would appreciate it, Sirius," she told him, producing a letter from her pocket and walking towards a nearby owl.

I cleared my throat as quietly as I could, unable to avoid touching my lips pathetically, where Sirius had been only seconds before. And when I looked up again, he was gone. Skipped from the building like a convict caught in the act.

"It's lovely to finally meet you," Lily was saying, leaning on the windowsill and giving me a sly smile. "Remus certainly talks about you enough. Though this piece of information is relatively new, I take it Remus is yet to know?"

Did she always talk like this or if you got to know her would she talk like a normal human? I thought stupidly as I stared at the Head Girl, feeling slightly in awe at her presence, as I had never had a full conversation with Lily before.

I cleared my throat again, not knowing exactly why. "Umm, I-I, uh…I d-don't know how that happened I-" I wiped a hand over my eyes and sighed. "Remus doesn't know because this is the first I'm hearing anything about it."

Lily raised an eyebrow but didn't press any further, which I was grateful for. "Um," I attempted again. "C-could you, uh, not tell Remus? I mean, it hardly matters cos that was barely even a one time thing, it isn't like it's going to happen again and he wouldn't mind anyway," I heard myself babble, my voice breaking away into a pathetic whimper.

Lily scrutinised me sharply. "I want you to know that I don't agree with whatever's going on with you and Sirius. But no, I won't tell Remus, if you don't want me to."

"Thank you," I sighed gratefully.

She nodded and turned her back on me, and I took that as my dismissal from her presence. I thought bitterly when being Head Girl made Lily Queen of the Universe, but didn't ponder on that topic long as I trudged back to my dorm to collect my astronomy homework. I felt my head throb and thanked Merlin that I wouldn't be seeing Sirius until tomorrow, and even then I'd simply pretend nothing had happened.

"Evenin' Lewis," Jude grinned from his telescope on the ground as I closed the astronomy tower door behind me.

"Evening," I forced a smile and dropped to the floor next to him.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, sparing me a glance as he scribbled a few notes down.

I sighed tiredly. "Nothing," I shifted on my knees and began putting up my telescope.

The night passed uneventfully, to my pleasure, and Jude was gentlemanly enough to walk me to Gryffindor Tower. "Right, well, thanks for helping me out," he said sheepishly.

"No problem," I grinned. "Well I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah," he dawdled on the spot for a second, seemed to decide something with a pause, and gave me a peck on the cheek. "Goodnight."

He was around the corner and out of sight by the time my mind caught up with what had happened. I sighed pathetically, "people better start acting normal tomorrow…"

**A/N So so so! what you think? you likie? Review!**


	7. Heat

The considerable amount of homework and studying I was now having to do was beginning to harbour negative thoughts. As Jenny put it. I stand by my claim that McGonagall was doing all of this simply to fulfil her role as holder of the pain. And she was bringing it.

My constant company of the four boys only encouraged the mounting tension that was created by studying, as Remus was becoming more and more protective of me, and James was becoming more and more suspicious as to why I was avoiding them.

Not that I was avoiding them. Simply not running into them as often as I used to.

I managed through three full days of almost no Marauder time at all, and barely ever saw Sirius when I was with the boys, so I was proud of myself. And with a slightly jittery stomach and a tight face, I faced dinner before the Hogsmeade weekend.

"Do you think Dumbledore shaves?" Jenny said abruptly at dinner.

I frowned. "I dunno, I mean, you can't have your cake and eat it too, can you?"

"If you make two, you can," Jenny pointed out wise.

"Yeah, but he's not about to shave his chest just so he can keep his beard."

"Dumbledore has a chest? Ew."

I chewed on my chicken slowly, digesting the conversation with mild amusement and feeling quite content. Until I bit my cheek. "Ow."

"I think I need a tutor," Jenny informed me after a considerably long silence, during which I received no sympathy for my bitten cheek.

"Oh, right," I chopped into my beef and mashed it into my potatoes. I looked up at Jenny, expecting her to continue with her chosen topic, but found her blushing and staring determinedly at the table. "What?" I asked.

"Umm, w-well I need a tutor," she said again. I was unsure as to whether she had forgotten that she had already told me, or if she was simply digesting the information herself. Or perhaps she was going insane?

"So? Get one," I shrugged my shoulders and returned to my dinner.

"Remus offered to be my tutor," she gushed, her cheeks enflamed and her very soul shrinking into the bench.

I narrowed my eyes.

"Sirius snogged my brains out." Huh, did I just say that out loud?

Jenny tilted her head to the side. "Why?"

"Hell if I know," I said, sounding slightly less jittery than I actually felt. "But Remus is a good tutor."

"Thanks," she blushed even more.

"What? It's not like you're marrying him," I sniggered.

She continued to blush, and I frowned. "You're eloping, aren't you?"

"Have you seen Lily?"

Jenny and I both turned to observe our new companion. "No, why? I thought you two were hanging out?" Jenny asked.

James smiled sheepishly. "She uh, well, she ran away."

I grinned.

"Remus is looking for you, by the way," he added.

"Oh right, well I'll run into him later," I waved my hand airily and returned to my food.

"Um, I didn't mean you," James said awkwardly, glancing nervously between Jenny and me.

I stopped abruptly, staring at James in disbelief. Remus had wanted to hang out all the time, why didn't he want to see me? I was his sister, after all; we _did_ have a lot of catching up to do. And who did he want to see anyw-

My train of thought halted in one teeth grinding screech.

She blushed under my stare and said rather weakly, "Uh, thanks James, I'll catch up with him in a bit."

Sometime between the staring and the blushing, James left to catch his friends, and I continued to stare. I tilted my head sideways and inspected my friend. It was rather surreal to see the girl, who used to be a loud mouth, who used to run about flirting and giggling like the world was hers, blush so profusely that heat seemed to be radiating off of her skin.

I frowned. "Explain."

Jenny shrunk slightly, but rose to the challenge and said as confidently as she should: "Well, um, Remus has wanted to hang out and stuff like that, and I didn't think you'd mind because most of the time he just helps me with homework."

I blinked. "Remus is seeking you out, so you can study?"

"W-well-"

"Mi!"

We both turned to see our new visitor, myself inwardly cursing at the constant interruptions over dinner and this rather interesting conversation, and Jenny looking ready to kiss the person who had rescued her from her dreadful explanation.

I flinched when I saw Sirius coming, and swung back into my bench and stared at Jenny. "We'll finish this later," I hissed quickly, just as he halted behind me and cleared his throat.

"Yes?" I enquired, frowning and looking him up and down. Hmm, I had never noticed his hair before; not a speck of gel to be found in those raven locks and yet it stayed in the right position all day. Hmm.

"I need to talk to you," he told me flatly.

My face dropped and I glared at Jenny for not jumping in to save me, as I stepped from the table and followed him out the Great Hall. I watched his feet kick up his robes from the back and gulped, feeling my face heat up and my hands sweat at the thoughts of what we had last been doing.

We rounded the corner into a small cove just beyond the Great Hall and before I could even prepare myself for whatever he may say, I was being pressed against the stone cold wall. His body melded with mine and my stomach tightened uncontrollably, as he hovered above my mouth, mere centimetres away from kissing me. His breath was stroking my cheek and I felt dizzy with the smell of him.

"What are you doing?" I heard myself say hoarsely, as his hand traced circles along my jaw line and down to my neck.

He murmured something incoherent and brushed his lips against my jaw, making my skin erupt in goose bumps. I closed my eyes against the din of the Great Hall and drifted in and out of heaven as he explored every inch of exposed skin. I hated to admit it but the boy was good.

My chest fluttered with unsatisfied breaths and I stepped into the unknown when I gazed up through my lashes into his eyes. He wasn't looking at me but was busy nuzzling shapes near my ear, but I could still see the sparkly depths, and my stomach flopped as he turned them onto me.

"Want me to stop?" he murmured, his throaty voice penetrating my thoughts as if he were ravishing me right there and then.

My voice box was lost somewhere in my windpipe and I felt my head shake slightly before I hauled him in for the most passionate kiss I was ever to experience.

Well, I tried to experience it.

I jumped in alarm as Sirius' pocket began vibrating violently, feeling a pout tug at my lips when he stepped away and reached into his pocket. It looked like a small hand mirror, but that's all that I saw before he threw me one sly glance and disappeared round the corner.

I scowled. Stupid boys.

What was his problem? Obviously I hadn't wanted him to stop. The thought gave me goose bumps for several different reasons as I skipped past the hall and headed straight for my dorm; an early night was needed.

The eerie silent of the sleepless Hogwarts halls seemed to buzz with what Sirius had left over, and my body ached with exhaustion and something else as I waited for the portrait to open.

"Mi!"

Ignoring the Fat Lady's protests and lectures of punctuality and manners, I tilted my head to see Jude running towards me with a sheet of parchment flapping in his hand. I forced a smile, but despite my attempts at forgetting his kiss, I still found it weird to look at him. He seemed to want to forget about it, or had forgotten about it already, or perhaps didn't see it as big deal at all. Whatever the reason, every moment with him left me waiting with anticipation for him to do something else; whether I wanted him to or not was unclear, though I was constantly on guard.

"I just got my mark on that essay we had to do," he told me, gesturing to the parchment. "She told me to give you your essay back next I saw you."

He handed me the paper and I felt a smile tug at my lips at the gloriously shining "E" at the top of the paper. "I got an E," I gave a high, fluttering giggle, feeling slightly out of myself as I wobbled on the spot.

"Yes you did," he grinned. "So what are you doing just now?"

"I was just going to go to bed," I tilted my head to the side, my eyes glued to my highest mark in Astronomy.

"It's 6 o'clock," he pointed out flatly.

"I'm tired," I told him, crossing my arms and feeling slightly insulted; so I liked my bed time?

"Come with me," he grinned, tugging at my robes and forcing my feet to follow in his step, and soon I found myself standing on the Quidditch Pitch.

The sun had already set, and there was a distant whistling across the distance as winter made its presence known. I hugged my robes tighter around me and looked expectantly up at Jude.

He was strolling further along the pitch, his hands in his pockets and a distinct bounce in his step, and I tilted my head quizzically. "Did I tell you that dad's got me a shot with the Manager of Puddlemore United? He's coming to the next Hufflepuff game to see me play."

"Really?" I grinned. "That's pretty big; I didn't know you wanted to go for a career in Quidditch."

He shrugged, words forming on his lips but were soon falling away as he turned his eyes on me. "What are you doing when you leave school?" he asked me, his shoulders tensing somewhat with the chill.

I shrugged, "Hadn't really thought about it, maybe journalism, maybe something else." I paused, a thought coming to mind; "I guess I'd like to travel."

"Hmm," Jude seemed to teeter on the edge of something, a foot outstretched in my direction until he spun on the spot and continued his strolling in the opposite direction.

I watched him stroll for a few more minutes before I finally gave a shivery laugh and said, "Let's go back in, I've lost the feeling in my fingers because of you," giving him a teasing poke in the shoulder as I turned and swept from the stadium, hoping he'd follow behind me. Although it wasn't until I was out and onto the sweeping paths upwards that I turned and saw him still standing in the same spot. His hands were deep within his trouser pockets and his body was tensed inwards to keep the cold out, and there was something in his frustrated limbs that requested a quiet moment for himself, though why this was, I wasn't sure.

I tugged my robes tighter once more, and turned for the castle.

OoO

Morning seemed not to appear, but to have always been there. I gave an edgy blink and saw the sun rise outside my window. The reason as to why I went to bed early and still found myself with bags under my eyes, was a mystery. Perhaps my encounter with Sirius, the stupid hormonal teenager whose only objective in kissing me was, well, to kiss me (to hell if I knew if he had any logical reasons behind it; I wasn't one to complain) fused a constant nervousness about my person and I therefore couldn't sleep.

My thoughts wandered to Jude and I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment. Obviously my mind zoned onto what was really going on in that head of his, and the idea made me tingle with flattery, but then wince in absolute revulsion. I grimaced as I once again thought over how awkward it would be to have a relationship with Jude, one of my closest friends. Guilt leaked into my stomach and I unconsciously hung my head; of course it wasn't Jude's fault that his intensions were not in any way returned, and of course it wasn't his fault he thought these thoughts in the first place. I was flattered; as any girl would be.

I tucked my nightgown under my toes and pulled my knees closer to my chest, enjoying the cool hardness of the window sill against my back and thinking with wonder that this was probably the first sunrise I had ever experienced. I had always been one to enjoy my sleep.

"Mira?"

I jerked out of my reverie and forced a cracked smile to Jenny. "Morning," I said, feeling a yawn open in my throat for the first time all morning.

"How long have you been up?" she asked, rubbing her eyes with her fists and wiggling languidly among her sprawled yet cosy bed sheets; making me long for a good night's sleep in a bed as cosy-looking as hers. Somehow, my bed never seemed to fit me.

"A few hours," I replied, dropping from the windowsill and heading for the bathroom. "Hogsmeade today," I told her, feeling something jerk in my stomach at the thought of my meeting with Michael. Because it _was_ a meeting. Not a date.

"You want to go shopping?" she asked me, tying her hair into a light ponytail and perusing her closet for suitable attire.

Swallowing all my courage, I choked: "I'm kind of meeting someone, sorry."

The bathroom door was shut and locked behind me before Jenny could question me on the topic, and I focused on prettying myself. Not that I should worry about my prettiness for Michael's sake, of course.

I stared at the pale face in the mirror, tilting my head with a whine and hating how tingly my throat felt. Thoughts too close to Michael's speciality were beginning to surface and I knew they would not be leaving any time soon if I continued to allow them entrance. Oh what the hell…

My mind wandered back to all our times together, and I was pleased to find that there was nothing emotional about it. Don't get me wrong; sex is a very emotional thing and everyone should experience it with the best reason in mind, but with Michael and me…

My brow wrinkled as I thought over our situation.

Ah. I see now.

I hate him. He hates me.

Click.

The water singed my skin and left my toes bruised red. My hair was something to be discussed, and since the butterflies were insisting on my early departure, I towelled my head dry and tugged my hair back in a ponytail. It wasn't until I heard a frustrated knock on the door that I excused myself from the shrine that was my steamy bathroom.

I ignored the cold chill of the dorm as I sauntered through my closet, hissing at unsuitable outfits now and then, until I finally resigned to jeans and a woolly jumper. It would be off soon enough anyway.

"I'll see you at breakfast," I called carelessly to Jenny, who couldn't hear me over the shower.

Bouncing hysterically down the stairs, I ran for the portrait hole and was left panting and breathless by the time I got to the Great Hall; I didn't care how shallow I was, the very prospect of sex today was making me insane.

A grin was tugging at my lips as I poured some pumpkin juice, and I glanced excessively down the table for anything to keep my focus for a while. An eyebrow quirked in confusion, I watched as Sirius loitered by the doorway, his hands in his pockets and his hair swishing against his eyebrows. He would have looked quite handsome were it not for the jittery twitch his foot had acquired, or the greyish tinge to his skin that sharpened his cheek bones to a deathly extent.

His flitting gaze flattened into a glare as a young boy passed him, I couldn't see his face but I could only guess it was his brother. I had never known Regulus, nor had I any intention of ever knowing him; his reputation within the Slytherins was almost as bad as Lucius Malfoy's and so I completely understood Sirius' disgust in his brother being near.

I snapped out of my reverie as Sirius' eyes snatched mine and was robbed of all thought as he started off for my table. He dropped into the seat next to me and casually started filling his plate.

He showed no signs of starting conversation, so I sipped my pumpkin juice and with a jittery slurp said, "Morning."

He didn't even glance in my direction. I frowned; talk about hot and cold. What was his problem anyway? He was the one initiating everything; he was the one being ridiculous. I watched him cut into a sausage and squish it into his portion of beans, before popping it into his mouth. I hadn't realised what was happening until he looked at me, and I realised my mouth had somehow opened and it wasn't just Mike on my mind.

"What is your problem?" he asked, irritation evident in his voice.

"Wha-"

"One of these days I'm going to chain you to your bed so you can't get up so bloody early," Jenny exclaimed, plonking down across from us and grinning happily.

I blinked, snapping my mouth shut and forcing a smile. "I never get up early, you just exaggerate," I told her smartly.

"Still," she pouted, "I haven't been this tired since, well, since ever!"

I grinned.

Once Jenny finished her breakfast, she walked me to the main doors before heading back upstairs; she had finally faced up to the concept of homework. So it was with a slightly anxious skip in my step that I headed for the Three Broomsticks.

The door bell jingled as I entered and I scanned the room for that familiar turf of blonde hair. I smiled and sat down at his table, flicking my hair self-consciously.

"Good afternoon," his eyes twinkled mischievously as he gulped down a Butterbeer.

"Good afternoon yourself," I retorted, not sure how much pleasure I should show in seeing him. "So what do you want?"

Mike raised his eyebrows. "Am I not entitled to a nice drink, in a nice pub, on a nice day?" he said airily. "You could have said no to my letter, you could be enjoying a nice day out with you friends. But then again I guess that isn't very Mira of you, is it? Always were up for anything." He sniggered, knowing very well that he was successfully under my skin.

I rolled my eyes, hoping that the air of carelessness was showing as much as I wanted it to. "Stop being such an ass, what did you want to talk about?" I narrowed my eyes; my stomach was tingling at the question – I knew very well that it was not talking he was here for.

"I'm here for the memories," he told me, amused. "I wasn't sure how long I would want to stay, so I've got a room upstairs in case the memories…take longer than expected."

My eyes flickered to his bare forearms leaning on the table, the muscles and veins noticeable because of the pressure he was putting on them. I knew very well that my face was flushing, and I also knew that if I were to do what he wanted me to do; I probably wouldn't hear from him again for another couple of weeks. I knew very well he was only here for one thing, and that I had sworn that I didn't need to give it anymore.

Oh what the hell.

It felt more surreal than it used to. We used to fall about with excitement, the heat of the moment overtaking every other thought. But now, we moved in candlelight, languidly exploring every place we knew by heart. And when I lay there afterwards I knew that since we had last been together, something had changed.

He sat at the end of the bed smoking a cigarette. I wrinkled my nose and sat up, pulling the sheets with me. "Put that out," I told him, knowing very well that he wouldn't.

Mike glanced round furtively, exhaling a cloud of smoke and sniggering. He locked eyes with me and before I could even stutter in surprise, he stubbed the cigarette in the ash tray next to him. It could have been a fluke, I thought with confusion, I hated the smoke and he loved it, but maybe this once he couldn't be bothered?

I didn't have much time to ponder before I noticed that Mike was no longer at the end of the bed, but was lying next to me, twirling my hair round his index finger and watching me. "What?" I asked, unsure of how to act around this surreal character.

He lowered his gaze and smirked, before catching my lips.

OoO

Mike stayed in his room when I left. He said he would be leaving in the next half hour anyway. I took the dismissal with ease, knowing him too well to expect an invite to stay afterwards. So I slipped back into the main pub and wrapped a scarf around my neck, wondering where the boys might be by now.

No need to wonder, however, as James was just two steps behind me in the street, and I soon spotted Remus, Sirius and Peter following him. "Hello there," he grinned.

"Hello," I smiled back, rubbing my gloves together in the cold."Are you heading back to the castle yet?"

He nodded and gestured to his friends, "We were going to go to The Three Broomsticks but then we saw you and figured we'd walk you up."

"What are you doing down here on your own? I thought Jenny was still at school?" Remus asked, stepping next to James and smiling down at me.

I shrugged, "Felt like a wander."

"Well, we'll walk you back to the castle then," Remus told me, taking my arm and slipping it through his.

I glanced back at Sirius and Peter, finding them both too quiet for comfort; Peter was glancing nervously from Sirius to me, and Sirius was glaring at something to the left of my head. Frowning, I turned back to Remus and James and listened to their jokes all the way back.

We were too early for dinner when we got back, so I headed for the library to find Jenny while the boys headed for the common room. But I didn't get far before I heard footsteps behind me.

I turned, not knowing what to expect, though I definitely didn't expect to find Sirius pinning me against the wall.

"Well now this takes me back," I said with a smile, but Sirius wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"What were you doing in Hogsmeade?" he asked; his eyes boring into me. A few strands of hair fell across his eyes and I became acutely aware of how close we were, and how while holding my arms still, his thumb was stroking my skin.

"Seeing a friend," My eyes narrowed, watching his expressions slip to and fro, unsure of what approach to take.

"Really now?" his expression softened, much to my surprise, and he lifted a hand up to my neck. Goosebumps erupted as he brushed a finger across a patch of skin; he seemed thoughtful as he asked: "Who gave you the bruise then?"

I froze. "Um, you?" I attempted, watching for any sign of what he would do next.

"Remus said you used to see someone at home, some sleaze…" he trailed off, his eyes locking onto mine. "That guy wouldn't happen to have been in Hogsmeade today, would he?"

"And what if he was?" I retorted, my gut swelling with indignation.

His eyes searched mine before he pressed his lips against a spot just south of my bruise and my breath hitched in my throat as I closed my eyes.

"Does Remus know how much of a slut you are?" he murmured against my skin.

"I am not a slut," I snapped, pushing him away and ignoring the sudden chill that descended in his absence.

"And seeing several guys for sex isn't slutty?" he scoffed.

"Who said I was seeing several? Who said it was even any of your business??" I demanded, prodding his chest with a finger. "Remus had no right to tell you that. Especially since I haven't seen the guy in a year and it hardly matters anymore!"

"So you _were_ with that guy then? And you did sleep with him." Sirius deadpanned.

I flinched, "What I do in my free time isn't anyone's business!"

"So you expect me to keep this information to myself then?" he said loudly, his voice bouncing off the walls. "Remus isn't to know that his little sister's running about shagging anything that moves??"

The slap resounded throughout the hall and those surrounding, and I dropped my hand anxiously, unsure as to how it got this far. Sirius' jaw twitched and his cheek shone red in the dim light of the hallway, and I knew he was angry.

His chest heaved with suppressed rage, and I felt something akin to pride as I watched his eye twitch with the pain of his cheek.

"I cannot believe you," he hissed, turning his back to me and losing his hands in his hair.

"You're the hypocrite here," I said, my words iced and cruel. "You're the one who acts like a man-whore, you're the one who has several hundred girlfriends, and you're the one who jokes continuously about sex. What? So girls aren't allowed relationships with any strings attached? You're allowed to play every girl in sight but I'm not allowed to see one guy every couple of months? Save your breath Sirius because you're hardly going to give me lecture on this particular topic."

"At least I know what I'm getting myself into!" he snapped, stepping closer again. "From what Remus told me, that guy wasn't even worth a glance! This guy's probably just messing you about!"

"I'm hardly skipping about with my heart on my sleeve, Sirius," I rolled my eyes. "Me and Mike hate each other, have since we were kids. The only way of me getting hurt around him is if were to he hit me."

Sirius' eyes locked with mine, the silent question floating in his irises. "No, he has never hit me," I snapped. "God, why do you even care?? It's not as if you're any better with me. Mauling me one minute and ignoring me the next, at least Mike's honest with what he wants!"

The air was knocked out of me when suddenly I was against the wall once more, with Sirius' body crushing against mine. "And will you stop doing that?!" I huffed, shifting against the wall so that one particular stone didn't dig into my hip.

"Don't you dare compare me to that sleaze," he hissed, so close to my face I could feel his breath against my cheeks. I opened my mouth to retort, but he was too quick for me. His lips crushed mine as his hands dropped their grip on my arms and encircled my waist, one cupping my cheek.

I lifted my hands to his face, feeling the ground drop from beneath me as he deepened the kiss and the air surrounding us seemed to turn to burning coal.

"What are you doing?" I murmured against his lips.

"Dropping the strings," he told me shortly, before silencing me.

* * *

**A/N ~ **So it's been a while, eh? I can't remember what I rated this story when I started it, but I guess it'll be going up at some point heh...to be honest I had every intention of dropping this story because it was so damn cheesy, with o real genius in it at all. The whole point of the story was Remus and Mira's relationship, but because of my bad writing I thought I had lost that wee gem by dropping the bomb so early. BUT! I am determined to finish this, so even if I don't get the next chapter up soon, I should get it finished at some point.

Sorry if this chapter is a bit weird, I've been reading nothing but depressing love stories just now and I think it might have rubbed off on my writing. Anyhoo, let me know what you think :)


	8. Procrastinating is My Middle Name

It was only two weeks since seeing Mike that I received yet another letter. However, this one was out of the ordinary.

I frowned down at the letter, thoughtfully swirling pumpkin juice around my mouth. He was asking how school was doing. My mind drew a questionable blank as to how that could initiate sex for the guy.

"I swear if Slughorn calls on me one more time I'm going to scream," said Jenny, sliding onto the bench and piling her plate high.

"Why don't you just sit at the back? His eye-sight's never been worse and he can't call on you if he can't see you," I commented, continuing to stare at the letter.

Jenny frowned, but said nothing more on the matter. "Who's the letter from?"

I folded it roughly and slipped it into my pocket. "A friend from home. I'll just reply now actually." I pulled some parchment out of my bag and began scribbling, hoping that my casual approach to the letter would throw Jenny off the scent.

"Who is he?" Jenny asked. I froze, my eyes trained on the letter.

"Who said it was a he?" I countered, dropping the quill and covering the letter protectively.

Jenny rolled her eyes, "I'm not going to read it, stupid. You were meeting someone in Hogsmeade and since you have the same face on today as you did then, I'm guessing it's the same person."

I glared. "He's nobody, just a friend."

"It's that Mike guy, isn't it?"

"What are you?? A detective?!" I dotted the letter with an angry jab and folded it closed; it was short.

"No; you told me about him last year, remember?" Jenny was beaming. "You said he was an amazing kisser."

"No I didn't!"

"I know but you reaction says that he is." Insert evil cackle here.

It was moments like these when I realised just how cunning Jenny was; you think she's ditzy but really she knows _everything_.

"Explaaain," her eyes twinkled across her plate of sausage rolls.

"There's nothing to explain!" I hissed, thinking suddenly of Sirius and wondering why.

"Well you saw him quite a lot last year and I'm only assuming it was for nunnery duties."

Of course it seemed appropriate that Remus took a seat by me as Jenny said this. He frowned and turned to me, "Do you want to be a nun?"

I suddenly knew how scrambled eggs felt. "No!" I screeched.

Jenny winked patronisingly from across the table.

"I do not want to be a nun. I'm perfectly sinful and in no need of a penguin outfit," I told them smartly.

"That's not what you told me last year," Jenny grinned.

I jumped from my seat and collected my things; it was better if I left the lovers together anyway. I hissed as I left the hall as my thoughts were confirmed; Remus and Jenny were leaning across the table to talk more intimately.

I retreated to the owlery and sat myself on the steps, fishing the letter from my pockets and frantically reading to make sure I didn't sound too freaked out.

_Mike,_

_I'm fine, school's fine too. Same as usual. Lots of homework. What's going on at home?_

_Mira._

There wasn't any shock in there, was there? I mean the boy didn't normally talk about how I was doing, he normally insulted me then shagged me. We had a routine! Why did he have to spoil it? My thoughts ran back to his cigarette –maybe he had developed a heart? I felt a disgusted laugh in my chest and decided on the negative.

Why did women have to over-analyse things so much? If this were from anyone else I wouldn't mind the caring, but this was Mike. His hate was, unusually enough, a comfort to me. I could count on him staying the same if things around me changed.

"Oh hello!"

I started to my feet to find James climbing the steps. "Hello," I unconsciously gulped and shoved the letter into my pocket.

"Bad letter?" he enquired hesitantly, glancing at my pocket.

"Uh, not really."

The silence thundered around us. "Are you alright?" he asked. "You want me to find Remus?"

I forced a laugh, "no, why would you need to? Besides, I just left him."

He eyed me once more before nodding and passing into the owlery.

After finally swallowing my fear and sending the letter, I continued to jump from pensive to anxious for the remainder of the day. I hadn't known anxiety could be so exhausting until I was leaving the Great Hall after dinner and was trudging up thousands of stairs to find my bed. But I was to be denied my comforts as I landed on the fifth floor and spotted Sirius hovering by a neighbouring corridor. I eyed his suspicious loitering for a second, but before I could even call out to him, his eyes caught mine and I knew he had been waiting for me.

As casually as possible, I sauntered towards him and into the dimly lit corridor. "What are you doing?" I asked, surprised at the whisper that echoed around the corridor.

Things with Sirius had tottered to and fro, ranging from passionate hours down a corridor or icy stares from across a room and to be honest I was thoroughly confused as to what he wanted; he said he wanted no strings attached? Well, then he had to earn it. The only problem was that I forgot all kinds of sensible things like that when around him.

"Thought you might want to hang out," he whispered in reply. I licked my lips.

"Where does Remus think you are?" I asked.

He shrugged, tossing his hair out of his eyes and jerking the temperature up a notch. He must have heard my sharp intake of breath, because in seconds he had me swept up and against the wall. I spotted a broom cupboard just down from us and tugged at his robes to get his attention and finally we were closed within our own private abode.

Our robes were lost in the darkness of the small room and he was frantically tugging at my skirt while I lost my hands in his hair. Short, warm kisses were planted everywhere as I felt the cold air surround my legs. The jut of a zipper and I was pressed against the wall, shuddering at the sweet intensity and liking the way he nibbled at my neck. The wall shifted behind me as he began to move, and I sighed into his neck as my shirt was opened and his hands were put to use.

"Sirius…" I heard my hoarse voice from some other universe, heard the gasps that fell in sync with his.

He gave a rough murmur against my lips and fell into me. We slid down the wall and into each other, fondling, touching, and breathing every moment. He drew circles across my chest and I wondered at the intimacy we had, which Mike lacked.

"You have no idea…" he said hoarsely into the darkness, shifting me onto his lap and brushing his fingers across my skin.

"Hmm?" I murmured incoherently against his cheek, feeling the impending drowsiness.

"I tell people that I hate you," he whispered onto my shoulder, planting a kiss to soften the blow.

"Why?" the meaning of his statement flew past me as I dozed.

He murmured, "Because I like you."

For a few seconds we both seemed to sit in harmony, as one awaited a response and the other tried to understand the proposal. He probably expected a good response from the way I sat up and stared at him, but soon realised his miscalculation when the air froze around us. The relaxed atmosphere evaporated with his confession and I was out the door in seconds, feeling awkward and disorientated.

"Mira," he followed me out the cupboard, pulling his robes over his shoulder and stumbling to keep up with me. "Look I didn't mean it like that, I didn't mean it at all, actually, will you just- ach, stop for a second!"

I fixed my tie around my shirt and started climbing the steps. "I have a lot of homework to catch up on and Jenny was planning to copy my work anyway so I really need to go. I'll see you later, Sirius."

He gave a frustrated huff and was lost in my dust.

"Where've you been?" Jenny asked from the fire, her and Remus were sitting together.

"I uh, just around," I felt very aware of my bare legs and stumbled towards the staircase.

I saw James hovering by the boys' staircase, watching me, as I disappeared into my dorm. I was unsure as to what was so bad about Sirius apparently liking me; everybody likes someone at some point or another. The only conclusion I could come up with was that I had never actually had a boyfriend, ridiculous, no? What was I supposed to do with that confession? Thank him and declare my everlasting love for a boy who held no real distinction in my memory except for his talent in kissing? No.

I got goose bumps when he was near because I couldn't stop thinking of his lips on my skin. I felt a weighty impatience in my stomach when I knew we were to meet because I felt adventurous when around him. But all this could only be hormones; it had always been hormones. Fleeting conversations with Mike flew around my mind as I stared at my ceiling.

"_How about you be my boyfriend?" I asked, running my hand through his sweaty hair._

"_Thanks Mi, but no," he said with a grin._

_I frowned. "Why not?"_

_He sat up, pulling his sheets with him and leaving me chilly. "Because this isn't any sort of relationship. It's sex. Everybody has urges and everybody needs to satisfy them. This is simply us doing each other a favour."_

But Sirius wasn't Mike. Obviously I had been brain washed into thinking sex was everything life had to give. Yes, I know, I'm a pathetic psycho who has never experienced love, blah, blah. But until I knew that whatever feelings I had for Sirius were realistic, I would avoid him. Indeed, because that is what I'm good at.

The next morning, I told Jenny I was feeling sick and had her bring me some breakfast. Before class, I dyed my sandy hair dark brown to throw Sirius off my scent in the corridors. I played the sick card once more at lunch, then again at dinner, and flat out refused to loiter in the common room for a long period of time. So it was with the pride of a job well done that I bunkered down for another night's sleep, without so much of a glimpse of Sirius that day.

"I don't like your new hair colour," Jenny told me from her bed.

"It's just temporary," I told her, yawning.

"Remus thinks you're acting weird, and I think James knows why," she told me in a quieter voice so that the other girls shouldn't hear her.

My gaze sharpened on her. "I'm not acting weird, so I felt like having a day in today, what about it?"

"You don't get your period for another two weeks so PMS is not an excuse!" Jenny's eyes narrowed.

"Just drop it, I'm tired," I told her, rolling over so that my back was facing her. "Goodnight."

It was only after a few grumbles and snaps that she surrendered and dozed off herself.

The week continued in this respect, with dark brown hair and meals in my dorm, until Jenny, thinking enough was enough, caught me on my way to the common room after the last class of the day. I glared when I saw Remus with her and, having been reading Mike's reply, stuffed the letter hastily in my pocket.

"You dyed your hair!" he exclaimed, taking a few locks in his hands and mourning.

"It comes out after 23 washes!" I snapped.

"Never mind that," Jenny ordered. "Why have you been having meals in your dorm? Why have you been so anxious in public places and why did you dye your hair?!"

I shrugged, huffing and scuffing my foot.

"She's right, Mi," Remus chimed in. "You have been acting odd. Sirius and James were considering jumping you as well."

The sound of Sirius' name caused a butterfly to explode in my stomach.

Jenny must have detected my reaction because she turned to Remus and said, in a voice similar to an army officer: "Go fetch Sirius and James; I think they will want to be involved in this."

"What about Peter?" he asked with a frown. Jenny waved her hand in a 'whatever' gesture.

Once Remus disappeared into the common room, Jenny turned on me. "Tell me what's going on or I'll leave you with all four of them."

"Please Jenny I've just been feeling a little off lately," I cried, clutching her robes and giving her a shake.

"Is it to do with this Mike guy?"

"What? No! I haven't seen him since that weekend. I mean I got a letter from him today but I swear it's nothing to do with him!" I waved the letter in front of her eyes as proof and quickly restored it in my pocket.

"Why are you so keen to avoid James and Sirius?" she quieted, holding my shoulders. "Or is it just one of them?"

I gulped. "Look I've got some problems with my head just now and it might have something to do with them, but just let me sort it out. I'd rather we didn't tell them what's going on," I said, the words gushing out my mouth in my haste to have them said.

The portrait hole opened before either of us could change the situation and out stepped James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. I felt all the blood rush from my face to somewhere near my toes when I saw his face, and I could tell his reaction was pretty much the same. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

James narrowed his eyes at me, "Why did you dye your hair?"

"Because it's a free country," I growled.

"I waved at you the other day and you ducked and ran off," Peter claimed, affronted.

"I thought you were a rapist. You had a weird look about you," I snapped.

James rolled his eyes. "Rem, she's obviously PMSing, just leave her to it."

"Thank you!" I exclaimed, shaking his hand. "I mean come on, I don't like broadcasting that kind of stuff but I hoped you all would take the hint."

Jenny glared at me.

"So if that's everyone done interrogating, I'm away inside," I grinned. Before she could say a word, I grabbed Jenny's hand and hauled her into the common room.

It was hours later when I realised that my robe pockets were empty.

"Jenny!" I banged on the bathroom door in my pyjamas. "Jenny have you seen a letter lying about?

The toilet flushed. "Not that I remember. Is it that one from Mike?"

"Yeah," I hissed profanities as I tore through my cupboard.

"What's so important about it?" she opened the bathroom door and clambered into bed.

"It was really personal," I muttered, taking my bed sheets apart. "I don't want people reading that."

Jenny shrugged. "Last time I saw you with it, we were outside the common room."

I raced down to the common room and out into the corridor, glancing frantically around for the white parchment. So frantic was I, that I didn't hear approaching footsteps.

"What you looking for?"

I cried out and jumped back when I saw Sirius standing by me. The supposed awkwardness between us was lost because I was too panicked and he was too suave. "I lost a letter. Jenny thinks I left it out here."

"Hmm," he rubbed his stubbly chin. "Well, good luck with that."

__________________________________________________________________________________

_Mira,_

_I know we've had a bit of a weird relationship for ages, and I know it's my fault for ever starting what we have and for keeping it that way, but I don't want it any more. You know I'm not one for pouring out all this shit for nothing so I'm hoping for a good reply in at least a week. _

_I like you Mira. One word from you and I'll stop pretending to hate you and we can get on with a relationship, like you wanted. But one word from you and I'll pretend this letter was never written and I guess I'll see you next time I'm in Hogsmeade._

_Write soon,_

_Mike._


	9. To SelfDestruct, or To Not?

I watched my quill spin into a blur between my fingertips, the blues and greens melded into one and I imagined Mike's blue eyes glittering up at me.

It had been a week since his letter, a week since I had given up the search for it, and I still didn't know what to do. I guess the obvious answer would be that if I didn't immediately reply with a yes, then my answer was a resounding no. But, I reasoned, itching my nose and feeling suddenly ambushed by unwanted thoughts, I didn't want to miss out; yes I had wanted a relationship once upon a time. It had been pretty early on in our 'thing' and he was quick to nip that idea in the bud. I couldn't help still feeling slightly miffed about the rejection.

Mike was an okay guy. Yeah, he was pretty blunt, and yeah he could be a skeeze. And yeah, I frowned, he did treat me like shit the majority of the time. _I'll stop pretending to hate you_, he said. So was he actually a cuddly bear with a heart? Did this mean that he would actually treat me right were I to agree to date him? I highly doubted it.

I scribbled mindlessly while the teacher droned on, but instead of taking notes I began a pros and cons list.

_Pros_:

_1. Good kisser._

_2. Good looking._

_3. Smart._

_4. Doesn't take shit._

_5. Is honest. (Most of the time.)_

_6. Has known me my whole life._

I frowned at number five; he wasn't really honest, per se, just really okay with telling people what they don't want to hear. And if he had been pretending to hate me then he wasn't very honest. Why would he pretend to hate me anyway? Was he scared to tell me? Obviously not, since he was brave enough to send that letter. What then?

_Cons:_

_1. Is an asshole._

_2. Smart._

_3. Doesn't take shit. _(A girl needs some drama, right?)

4. _Smokes._

_5. Remus doesn't like him._

As my thoughts turned to Remus, they also turned to Sirius.

Sirius didn't like Mike either. But that shouldn't affect my decision, right?

I threw my things haphazardly in my satchel and followed Jenny out of the classroom when the bell rang, too lost in my thoughts to notice Remus until he was right in front of me.

"Hey," he grinned. "How are you feeling now?"

I forced a smile and tugged at a lock of my light-brown hair, now on its way back to its original sandy colour.

He took my silence as submission and threw an arm around my shoulders, giving a wave to Jenny as she ran to her next class, and proceeding to steer me outside.

"I hope you don't dye your hair again," he admitted. "Not that you didn't look nice with brown hair."

I rolled my eyes and patted his chest weakly. "It's fine. I didn't really like it."

He watched me for a moment, before taking a seat on one of the benches in the court yard. "Why dye it then?"

I dropped down next to him with a grunt and, deciding that now was a better time than ever, asked, "Remus, what did you really think of Michael?"

If the question surprised him, he didn't show it, although his eyes did darken a little.

"As an honest, unbiased observer," he said eventually, "He seemed a bit full of himself, but other than that, I suppose he was alright."

I raised an eyebrow and waited.

"But as a brother," his lips twitched at my dull stare. "I'd say he was the scum of the earth and should be sterilized immediately. Oh and killed; almost forgot that part," he nudged me mockingly.

"Why do you ask?" he continued.

I shrugged and looked across the courtyard.

"I just-"

"There he is!" James appeared to the right of us and pointed hysterically at Remus. Sirius and Peter soon joined him in the pointing before flinging themselves at his feet.

"Remmy, we've been lost without you!" James wailed. I watched as, seemingly undeterred by my presence, Sirius wailed and groveled without a thought.

"We have Transfiguration homework that's due in two hours and don't know what to do!" Sirius exclaimed, the hysteria in his voice breaking it and sending it up a few octaves.

"Not now guys," Remus gave a reluctant grin.

"No," I gave him a small smile and quickly got to my feet. "It's fine, we'll talk about it later. See you later boys." With an airy wave, I quickly headed for my dorm, hoping to catch some snoozing before dinner.

I knew that Sirius' apparent ignorance of my presence would continue, but it didn't make it any easier to handle. He would find a reason to leave if there was any chance of us being in a room together, he would refuse to help with my homework, he stopped addressing me by my name and always managed to have eaten before I did.

I felt like I had just eaten a really greasy McDonalds and was having a hard time digesting it.

My hair was back to its original colour, which I found a welcome change since Sirius was now avoiding me and there was no need for brunettes. But with Sirius' avoidance, I found it harder and harder to reply to Mike. I wrote letter after letter, all with different answers, all not good enough, and all ending up in the bin.

It was one of these instances that Sirius himself happened upon me accidentally in the common room, to both our dismays.

His eyes darkened and his lips tilted into a frown, but other than that I got no acknowledgement. He raised an eyebrow at the letter-lined fireplace and, after loitering by flames, took the armchair across from me.

"Writing home?" he asked casually.

I glanced up, surprised to hear his voice, and got caught in the distaste of his eyes. What was his problem? Well, me, obviously. But he was older than me, couldn't he act like it? I subconsciously added that to his cons list.

Wait.

Since when did he have a cons list?

"No," I cleared my throat, and then changed my mind. "Well, yes I guess."

"Which one is it?" his voice hardened and I closed my eyes.

"I'm writing to Mike," I surrendered. He didn't seem surprised.

"Does Remus know you're still writing to that guy?" The bitterness and distaste was practically vibrating throughout the room and I counted to ten.

"Do we have to do this now?" I was very aware of the fact that it was now bordering on two weeks and I had yet to reply.

His huff of annoyance was his only reply.

I balled another parchment up and threw it into the fire, feeling my stomach drop as it began to smoke. How did you let someone down by letter? Someone who expected a positive reply?

"What does he want then?" Sirius spoke again, his voice rough.

"Why do you want to know?" I replied dully, starting another letter and watching my ink supply drop.

"You know why," he said, his voice edged.

"I'm not going to tell you," I told him. "It's not your business what happens between me and Mike, so do me a favour and stop it."

"Of course it's my business!" he gave an indignant scoff, his eyes grabbing mine and I watched as his knuckles turned white from his grip on the armchair.

"No, Sirius, it's not," I corrected.

With a huff reminding me of Josh when he didn't get any cookies, Sirius threw himself towards the boys dormitories.

The doubts were building up and starting to give me headaches. I couldn't take it anymore.

_I'm sorry. _

_It's not the answer you're looking for, and I'm even sorrier but I don't think we can meet up anymore. I hope we can still be enemies? _(Might as well attempt humour, eh?)

_Mira._

My head throbbed with the agony of it all; I couldn't help think that with one casual swoop of an owl delivery, I was losing the closest thing to love I had. I hoped it wouldn't come back and bite me.

I didn't get a reply from Mike.

I had to admit I was a little disappointed. Even though I had no right to be, it still stung a bit that he couldn't keep to his word and act as though the letter had never happened.

Although I suppose his normal actions would be waiting until he was horny before writing me, so I could understand the no reply to a certain extent.

And if I expected Sirius to start acting normal once Mike was ticked off my list, I was definitely wrong. So wrong, in fact, that I barely ever saw Sirius. Remus claimed that his friend was finally acting normal. This did not comfort me.

"So, what is the normal Sirius?" I poked cautiously as we sauntered towards Hogsmeade, the snow turning the countryside into something out of a Charles Dickens novel and the sharp jab of the cold wind trying without fail to freeze my nose. I was thankful that we had finally gotten a weekend together where the Marauders were not involved and Jenny was not clinging to Remus. Okay, so she's never clinging to Remus, but it was just nice to get my brother to myself! Never thought I would see the day, but sue me.

Remus gave a shrug. "He's making jokes, not doing homework, he's been flirting like normal now," he gave a smile. "It's actually a relief. James was going to plan an intervention if Sirius didn't get his act together."

I raised an eyebrow at that. Intervening, or just being plain nosy?

A sigh heaved out of me and I counted to ten; why was it that since finally getting rid of Mike, I felt like I was PMSing every day of the month?

"Oh did I tell you?" Remus snapped my attention back to him and I gave a questioning glance for him to carry on. "Josh owled me a couple of days ago with a box of cookies and a drawing." He rummaged in his pockets and produced a folded over picture drawn from crayon. There was mum, dad, me and Remus. And what looked like a bush. I presumed the red splodges were supposed to be berries.

Remus was beaming from head to toe, obviously pleased that Josh had officially accepted him. I suppose it was appropriate that he was infiltrating my family, while I infiltrated his. The irony was not lost on me!

"Oh, nice," I forced a smile and tiredly slipped an arm through his. "Rem?" I asked quietly, he gave an acknowledging hum and, waiting a beat or two to pass a group of younger students so that they wouldn't hear our conversation, said, "Did I tell you that I've been writing Mike recently?"

It was almost too predictable. Of course he would be calm about all of this; Remus was the epitome of calm. And he certainly didn't disappoint now.

"Writing?" he said, I could tell that he was attempting humour, but couldn't help but think that the tone he used more suited the word "humping".

"Yes, writing," I nodded. "Well, not really writing. Just a letter or two. More like a postcard. Without the picture. Anyway, we're not anymore. But I thought you'd like to know."

"Okay," he replied slowly. "So, are you seeing him again?"

Not really knowing what direction to choose with this conversation, I pretended not to hear him and slipped into the Three Broomsticks. Thankfully there were no Marauders to be seen.

"Mire," Remus caught up with me and followed me to the bar. "If you're seeing him again, it's alright; I'd just like to know."

I ran a frustrated hand over my face and huffed. "Okay, what has Sirius told you?" Probably not the best starting point ever, but okay.

He blinked in surprise and paid for our Butterbeers. "What has Sirius got to do with this?"

I dropped into my seat and decided to ignore the topic of Sirius if this was Remus' reaction. "Never mind," I said firmly.

"I swear, Mi," Remus forced a laugh. "You might want to choose a conversation before I strangle you."

"Okay," I took a deep breath. "I'll tell you. Long story short; me and Mike got together about two months back. It was just a one time deal, I swear. But then he owled me a month ago basically saying he wanted a relationship. So I owled back saying no and now he's not talking to me."

To say Remus was tense was an understatement. The topic of sex with me must be difficult for him, I admit, but the topic of Mike, plus sex, plus relationship, plus possible mistreatment of me must be blowing his mind.

After a lengthly silence. He gave a nod, blinked a few times and said, "So we don't like Mike?"

I felt a bubble of laughter force its way up my throat but clamped down on the urge.

"No," I nodded. "We do not like Mike. We sympathize with Mike, but we ultimately do not like him."

This seemed to suit Remus, because he nodded once more and gulped down his Butterbeer.

"I know Lily is good at reading people, but this is ridiculous," he gave a chuckle and set his bottle down, rubbing his jaw tiredly and throwing me an affectionate glance.

Lily. The witness. The only person who could potentially rat me in on something that I'm no longer doing. Shit.

"Mm?" was all I could get out without giving a shriek of hysterical panic.

He gave another chuckle and said, "Well, I was worried about you so talked to Lily, I figured; she's a girl, you're a girl, things might make more sense to her, you know? And she was pretty bang on when guessing what was wrong with you."

"Enlighten me," I forced a smile.

"She thought you had boy troubles," he gave a grin, "I admit she was wrong when guessing it was someone at school, but 99% is not bad at all."

I had to come clean. That was the only way I would ever be able to look at Lily without imploding. Granted I never normally see Lily, but I couldn't risk running into her without being mentally prepared.

"Look Rem-"

"REMUS!"

We both jumped at the shout and turned to see Peter hanging half inside the Three Broomsticks and half out. "It's James and Sirius," he panted, the sprint that got him to the pub causing him to break out in sweat.

Remus was up out of his seat before I could even ask for an elaboration. Not seeing any other way of doing things, I grabbed my scarf and gloves and leapt after him. We didn't have to look far.

They had obviously started heading for the castle when the fight broke out. Surprisingly, they were not fighting Slytherins, but each other.

"James!" Remus barked, helplessly grabbing a limb and tugging. Sirius threw a punch that, in catching James in turn knocked Remus off of him. I winced at James' busted lip. "What the hell?" Remus panted.

I didn't know what to do. Cry helplessly over Sirius from the sidelines? But secret non-girlfriend-but-kind-of-lovers don't really cry in public over their secret non-boyfriend-but-kind-of-lover, especially when they haven't been non-couple-but-kind-of-lovers in a while. I stepped from toe to toe trying to decide on my next move.

Remus was handling it better. He cast a quick but efficient shield charm around Sirius, who seemed to be taking all the hits because James had suddenly caught rabies and was going to town on the whole 'rabid beast' image.

I glanced at Peter, who was whimpering like a victim of divorce, not just his friends. "What's going on?" I finally decided to say. The cold wind snatched the majority of my sentence from their ears, but they got the gist.

James leveled a glare at me and I took a step back in surprise. "It's none of your business," he replied coldly.

"James," Remus caught his friend's attention, quickly sparing me the holes in my head. "What is going on?"

Tried that buddy, not gonna work.

"I'll tell you later," with his reply, he threw me another cold stare. Well that certainly screamed "I'm not telling you my secret cos you suck". I rolled my eyes.

"No he won't!' Sirius snarled, his eyes boring into James. It wasn't even a glare; it was a mix of betrayal and desperation.

"Come on," Remus quickly tugged on my arm. "We're heading back to the common room. There's no point arguing when I can't feel my face."

Well that certainly worked.

Peter threw me a pathetic sort of "whatcha gonna do?" smile, James stormed on ahead of us, and Sirius slouched behind us, almost stopping completely if it weren't for Peter tugging him along.

I felt dread swirl in my stomach at the possible reasons for their fight. For some reason, my gut was pointing an accusing finger up towards my face.

"Mi," Remus said quietly as we approached the common room. "Would you mind giving us an hour or so to sort this out?" Pleased to be away from any more of James' glares, I nodded and forced a smile. "I'm sorry our day out was ruined."

"No worries," I nudged him playfully. "I'll see you at dinner."

Though as I took the stairs two at a time, shaking with anticipation and desperate to talk to Jenny, I realized I wasn't so sure if my presence at dinner was going to be enjoyed.

I descended from the girls dormitories with Jenny in tow a few hours later. She was filled in on everything, excluding my romps with Sirius, of course, and was also anticipating a blow up from someone.

"Maybe we should just eat in the kitchens later," I suggested.

"Don't you want to see if Remus is alright?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Don't you?" I gave myself a mental high five when she blushed.

"All I'm saying is that maybe we should give them some boy time," I gave a casual shrug. "Or at least sit a good distance away."

I took her thinking face as an agreement, and tugged her down towards the teachers' table. Sure enough, the Marauders were already seated near the doors and, I noted with a hint of pride, looked as gloomy as ever. Another high five for dodging that bullet.

Although, I thought, my stomach churning without something other than hunger, Remus didn't look angry, or sad. He looked...confused. James was ignoring Sirius, and Sirius was ignoring James. And poor Peter couldn't get either of them to pass the bread basket up his way because there was such a lack of communication. Tsk, tsk.

"I wonder why James is mad at Sirius," Jenny pondered over her steak pie.

"What makes you think it isn't Sirius being mad at James?" I chew on a bread stick.

"Well," she said thoughtfully. "James is the only one actually glaring, whereas Sirius just looks like he's about to self-destruct."

Yes, he did. I cocked my head thoughtfully and watched him surreptitiously while he combed a nervous hand through his locks and ignored all conversation directed at him. I would not like to be his steak pie, I thought gravely, watching him turn it to mush with his knife.

"We better find out what's going on," Jenny suddenly erupted. "I'm so curious! Lily!"

My potatoes turned to ash as the red head turned at the voice calling her. Jenny gestured for her to join us and, with a grin and a flick of her hair, Lily brought her plate to us and sat across from me. I swear her eyes could see into my soul.

"Hey Jenny, Mira," she smiled at Jenny and sent me a curt nod, coincidence? Or was that a snub?

"Hi, we were just wondering if you knew what was going on with the boys," Jenny said quietly. "James and Sirius got into a fight and now it looks like a real battle ground down there."

"I would give Peter our bread basket, but that would mean going over there," I muttered bitterly.

Lily raised an eyebrow at me, and all I could do was stare back. "I don't know what happened, I'm afraid," she turned back to Jenny and gave her a smile. "I have a hunch, but James wouldn't say anything."

I dropped my fork and quickly dropped to the floor to collect it. She had a hunch? Is she trying to give me a heart attack? Of course Jenny is going to ask what the friggin' hunch is and then my sex life is suddenly going to be the main topic of Golden Time!

"Ooh, what's the hunch?" Jenny asked.

"I'm afraid I can't say," Lily shrugged, before peering over the table at my reappearing head. "You alright there, Mira?" she asked.

"Mmhmm," I somehow got that to sound sarcastic.

"Anyway," Lily continued, "I better get back to my friends', talk to you later." With a wave and a flick of her hair, she was gone.

"I feel like I'm in an episode of '_Poirot'_," Jenny forced a smile at me, but the frown in her eyes told me that she was far from satisfied. "Ooh the mystery!"

"Are you almost done?" I asked roughly, standing up and not giving her time to reply. She quickly jumped from her seat and followed me, asking what was wrong.

I didn't spare the Marauders a glance as we exited the Great Hall.

Jenny inevitably gave up the interrogation once we climbed into bed, but the questions wouldn't stop in my head.

I just knew this fight was to do with me. James didn't necessary love me, but he didn't glare at me whenever he saw me.

Like the calm of a slow sunset, I knew without a doubt that Sirius had told James all about our "no strings attached" deal.

I just knew it.

So Merlin knows why I decided that the common room was a good place to continue my thinking. But at four in the morning after countless hours of no sleeping and a lot of painful thinking, the window seat in the common room seemed like a great idea. I had the window open and was shivering in no time. At least the cold air knew how to freeze my thoughts.

I heard a door slam and jumped in surprise.

Who else?

"We need to talk," James growled.

_**A/N- **Okay I don't want everyone to get their hopes up. Yes, I have updated for the first time in donkeys, but I don't know when the next installment will be. GUH. I'm about to go into second year of university and things are getting pretty stressful! I only managed to get back into writing in the last month or two because, as stressul as university is, they're stll evil enough to give us four months holiday. So I've basically been lying horizontally on a couch for the aforementioned time, wracking my brains for something to do. It was a toss up between finally scoring all of my vocal arrangements, or getting some updates posted. Ah the genius of luck. _

_So I have some ideas as to where this story will go but, I'm afraid, it will be a short one! That's right people; this wee gem probably only has five chapters (if even) left! _

_I'll aim to get the next chapter out before Christmas, heh, but no promises. _

_Peace out. _


	10. The Confrontation, sort of

My head thudded against the window frame and, taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes to take in the boy in front of me.

"What are you doing up?" I asked quietly, taking in his blood shot eyes and the definite glare forming around his mouth.

He bared his teeth and took a seat in the armchair closest to the window. With a huff he turned his icy stare to me and said, "Sirius told me everything."

"I figured."

For once I wasn't very pleased to be proven right.

And my response obviously was not what he wanted. "You figured?" he gave a scoff, the sarcasm skittering down my spine and for once it was not the open window that gave me the chills. "You know, I really don't understand you." His heavy, dull stare locked me in place before dropping to his hands. "I mean if you had any decency and respect for Remus then why go behind his back with one of his best friends?"

My eyes narrowed and the window seat suddenly didn't seem so soothing. Quickly getting to my feet and aiming for the girls' dormitories, I called over my shoulder, "Try and get some sleep, James."

Who the hell did he think he was? I stomped up the stairs, slamming my feet with every step and knowing without a doubt that sleep was not going to come easily tonight.

"What are you doing up?"

I stopped halfway up the stairs and tilted my head slightly. The ice in James' voice could only mean one thing.

"I heard voices," Sirius replied, his voice rough from sleep.

"Well, as you can see, there's no one else down here," James said swiftly, I heard footsteps and assumed he was heading back to bed.

Sirius gave an exhausted sigh. "Just stop," he sounded resigned, but determined. "It's not like I planned all this. Remus is just as important to me as he is to you, so please don't patronize me."

"But is he as important to you as Mira apparently is?" James suddenly snapped.

My ears practically twitched and I was terrified that one shift of a limb and they would suddenly appear at the bottom of the staircase and catch me eavesdropping.

"That has nothing to do with this," Sirius said, the darkness in his voice a warning. "You know there's nothing going on now." He gave a harsh laugh. "You know what, I don't have to deal with this."

"That's right," James gave a sarcastic chuckle. "Run away. Like you always do."

Well that was obviously not the right thing to say.

The words were barely out of his mouth before I heard the scrambling of feet and some definitely knuckle cracking. To intervene or to not intervene?

James gave a grunt under Sirius' constant beating and my decision was made for me; I wasn't a fan of James right now, but I'd be just as bad as him to leave him down there, right?

Quickly descending the stairs, I found James and Sirius on the floor, Sirius holding his friend down while he threw punch after punch, and James was hardly putting up a fight.

I made a grab for Sirius, but he threw me off and quickly collected James' shirt in his fist. "You're supposed to be my mate," he hissed into his face, before throwing another punch.

"Sirius!" I jumped onto his back and gave him a good punch or two of my own before he finally noticed I was even there.

"Mi!" he turned away from James in surprise, throwing me off and giving James an opening. I gave a shriek of surprise as Sirius grunted and hit the floor.

"Stop it!" I hissed as they brawled on the floor. Throwing a kick at whoever would take it, I was pleased to hear James give a yelp of protest. I spotted a cushion on the nearest armchair and quickly snatched it up, before whacking them both thoroughly.

They finally gave up attacking each other after several good hits from me, and turned with angry confusion twisting their faces.

"Do you want to wake the entire school up?" I snarled, giving Sirius another good hit over the head with the cushion.

Sullen silence met my exclamation.

"Fine," I said, ruffled that they weren't talking. "I'm going to bed. You two should do the same."

"No," James replied firmly. "Nobody is going to bed."

"What makes you think-"

He quickly cut me off by snatching my arm and tugging me down to the floor with them. "You started all of this, so you are going to finish it," he told me firmly.

"What the hell do you want?" I tried to get out of his grip but he held on tight. "I didn't start anything. If I remember correctly, it was Sirius who threw the first punch here."

James shook the need to speak out of me. "It was you who messed with Sirius."

Oh hell no!

"Listen you-"

"What the hell is going on down here?"

Like deer caught in headlights we all turned to face the boys' staircase. Oh shit.

"Nothing!" Sirius found his voice first, but the confusion in Remus' face was too much for me to take. He was my brother after all. But how did I explain to him that I was kinda with his best friend but not really because we weren't in a relationship, and that whatever we did have previously, was no longer going on?

"Mira, what are you doing up?" Remus exclaimed, ignoring the boys on either side of me. His eyes were so focused on my reply that I knew I couldn't hide whatever Sirius and I had.

"Um, Rem, can we go a walk?" I asked hesitantly. Sirius caught my eye but I ignored him. This was between me and Remus.

"Sure," his brow quirked, almost as if there was a joke in the air that he didn't understand and was looking for the punch line. "I'll, uh, see you guys later," he threw the boys a wave and I led the way out of the common room.

The silence of the Hogwarts corridors engulfed me the second I stepped out of the portrait hole, sending shivers up my spine and making the night seem that much more spooky.

Remus rubbed his eyes wearily and smiled tiredly in my direction. "So," he began, "what were you doing up with James and Sirius?"

And just like that; I didn't want to tell him. He flicked his sandy hair out of his eyes and I thought of Josh, of the picture he had drawn Remus, of how I flick my hair just like him and how I had, so gradually I had barely noticed, begun to appreciate him. The jealousy was almost completely gone, that much was obvious. Instead, I wanted his approval, I liked that we had things in common because I felt closer to him. I didn't wanted to lose that.

"I couldn't sleep," I attempted, the explanation forming as I spoke. "James must have heard me get up because he came down not long after me and...look, basically, James and I are still a bit edgy because of the whole 'you're not really my friend's sister and you're pissing me off' argument and so one thing led to another and Sirius heard us and tried to make us be quiet..." I felt goosebumps at the lie and my stomach shriveled appropriately.

He obviously found my lie hard to believe, which was understandable since the situation with James was weeks ago and James and I had been acting perfectly normal since then. His eyebrow quirked and he said, concern flashing in his solemn amber eyes, "Mi, are you alright?"

I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding and forced a smile. "I'm fine," I said, nodding. "I still haven't heard from Mike and it's rubbing me the wrong way, I'll admit, but otherwise I'm fine."

"So we agree that what you just told me about James was a lie?" he replied casually. My eyes snapped to meet his.

"What-no, no it's true, why would I lie?" Lovely.

He suddenly looked very tired. Rubbing his face he threw me a surrendering smile. "Look, I don't expect you to gush all your secrets to me, but," he gave a rumbling sigh, "I don't understand you sometimes, and I want to. I really want to. I mean, you told me about Mike, and I think I did pretty well on the whole bonding thing so if there's something going on, you can talk to me, okay?"

Guilt was not a cruel enough word to describe the feeling coursing through my body.

"Rem," my voice box was somewhere in my appendix and everything was so messed up. My voice sounded husky and pathetic, and I didn't like it. "Thanks," I settled with saying, giving him a slight smile because he deserved whatever I could give him.

He forced a chuckle and threw an arm around my shoulders, leading us towards the portrait hole. "Now that that's settled, let's go back to bed. I feel like the living dead."

Amen to that my brother.

Something had clicked.

I stood in the shower, my skin turning red with the scalding water and the steam beginning to engulf me, and decided that whatever Sirius had had in mind for us was not going to work. It was cruel, I knew, but I had to be honest; Sirius was good at what he did and I enjoyed being with him but I did not want a relationship.

So, I had decided that I was going to make peace with him. If I couldn't give him a relationship, I could at least give him a friendship without any of those sex-related strings. He may not like it, but it's all I could do right now. I nodded firmly to myself before shutting off the shower and stepping out.

As for James, I thought, I would have to explain myself to him. Yep, he would squeal like a pig on bacon day unless I told him what was going to happen.

"Good morning, my love," Jenny beamed at me as I dressed. With narrowed eyes, I watched as she compared several outfits strewn across her bed. "What do you think?" she held an outfit against her and cocked her head to the side.

"Very..." why was she comparing outfits? It was a class day and we had a uniform, "non-uniform," I settled with.

She rolled her eyes.

"Whatcha doing?" I asked, tugging my hair into a plait and dropping onto her bed, thereby creasing all of her options. Cackle. "Got a hot date or something?"

She blushed.

"Oh," I grinned. "I see. So, Jenny," I cleared my throat. "What are you doing after classes today?"

"Don't be like that, Mira," she warned. The warning fell flat due to her pathetic smile and the wobble in her voice.

"Who's the lucky guy?" I collected my books and began packing my satchel, not really aware of her hovering next to me until I turned and nearly had a heartache.

"Sorry," she gave a shrug and laughed awkwardly. "Actually, it's not really a date. It's a...well it's a, kind of, study session."

"Is that what we're calling it these days?" I raised an eyebrow, until her statement sunk in. "So you and Remus..." I waved my hand in a 'finish the sentence elegantly and you'll get a hug' kind of way, not quite sure how to handle the situation.

Her wary grey eyes watched me and nodded. "Are going to be studying, and honestly I would like to look nice. Is this okay?" she added.

I gave a laugh. "Don't be daft, Jen," she faltered at my look before I rolled my eyes. "I mean, obviously, I don't mind. He's my half-brother as of a couple of months ago, it's not like I have a claim to being protective of him." Which was true, but the petty part of me was still niggling at the loss of a new brother and the possible loss of a friend. I shook my head. That was a dramatic exaggeration of what could possibly happen in a soap opera, not real life.

"So you're, okay?"

The hope in her eyes had me giving her a friendly push and saying, "I'm more than okay; I'm hungry." And with that, I headed to the Great Hall in the hopes of meeting Sirius.

The Hall was only just beginning to fill up, since it was only a quarter after eight and classes didn't start until nine, so I didn't expect to see Sirius sitting with Peter with no signs of Remus or James. Although I should wonder at the combination of Sirius and Peter, I couldn't help but worry where James was, and if he was with Remus. Perhaps talking? Panic surged in my stomach.

Time to move I think.

"Sirius," I announced firmly, standing over Peter and giving the boy a fright.

Sirius glanced up from his breakfast and eyed me with an air of boredom he certainly didn't have last night. What was with everyone this morning? "What?" he asked, returning to his breakfast without a thought.

"I need to talk to you," the desperation must have been evident in my voice because he glanced back up at me and gazed more intently, before blinking and looking over at Peter, who was watching us like a tennis match.

"Pete," Sirius began, "I'll be back in a sec."

**Step 1: get Sirius alone. Check.**

We found a lonely alcove just outside the Great Hall and he turned to look at me, expectantly crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

"What is it, Mira?" he asked, leaning against the wall and eyeing me carefully.

"We have to discuss this...this!" I gestured to the space between us, ignoring his questioning stare. "Yep, we need to discuss things. For one thing, we're not having sex anymore-"

"Well that much was obvious," he cut in, had I imagined the humour laced into his voice?

A sharp look silenced him, however, and I continued. " As I was saying, I don't want a relationship-"

He opened his mouth to speak but I quickly covered his lips with my palm and gazed fiercely up at him, ignoring the tingles I got from touching him. "I don't want a relationship with _anyone_." The calculating edge to his eyes had me worried, but I ploughed on. "But we were friends before this whole fiasco, so I'm offering a truce. We'll go back to being friends who have no sex whatsoever, James shuts his mouth, and Remus stays obliviously happy. Sound good?"

If I was expecting anything, it certainly wasn't the flat look I was receiving. "Do I get a say in any of this?" he asked eventually, acid twisting in his words and sending shivers down my spine. In a good way. No wait - a bad way. I think.

"Well," I reasoned, avoiding his stare, "what do you want out of this?"

He gave a huff and turned away from me, leaning a hand on the wall next to me and giving a grunting laugh. "Nothing," he admitted eventually. "Absolutely nothing."

"Cool," I gave him a smile, even though he wasn't looking. "So we need to find James and tell him the new situation so he doesn't blab to Remus."

"I'll leave that for you to do, if you don't mind," he told me, turning to gaze at me, his eyes cutting into me more than any knife could. "Since you seem to have everything so organised."

He walked away. Yep. He literally turned and walked back into the hall, which was pretty stupid because I knew he had finished his breakfast.

**Step 2: get James alone. In progress.**

Since I would have seen him enter the Great Hall from the alcove, I assumed he was still upstairs and so set off for the Gryffindor common room. Despite the success of my clearing up plan, I couldn't stop the sinking in my stomach and the headache lurking behind my eyes after my conversation with Sirius. It was almost painful to be on the receiving end of his displeasure. But, I reasoned, it had to be done.

Luck was on my side this morning, it seemed, as James stepped out of the portrait hole alone and didn't notice me until I was right next to him.

My appearance was obviously not welcome. "I need to talk to you," I began firmly.

He considered me for a moment, the scowl on his face beginning to ebb into mere curiosity and, taking that as my opening, I tugged on his arm and headed down the hallway in the hopes of finding an alcove similar to the previous one.

"What's going on Mira? Class is in fifteen minutes and I want my breakfast," he sounded tired so I took pity on him and cut to the chase.

"I want a truce," I said. "I've already talked to Sirius and, although nothing is going on anymore, we've decided to be just friends," he raised an eyebrow, "don't give me that, I mean it; just friends. Nothing more."

He still seemed unconvinced, but I ploughed on. "I don't want to hurt Remus any more than you do so what I propose is that we all just forget it ever happened and Remus never finds out. No harm, no foul."

Silence answered my declaration.

I rubbed my hands together before tucking them into my robe pockets, anxiously awaiting his verdict. Sirius hadn't seemed to care, I thought, which, despite my best efforts, still hurt my pride a little bit. But surely since James wasn't actually having to do anything but keep his mouth shut, he wouldn't mind it all?

"What did Sirius say to all this?" he asked eventually.

I gave a shrug. "He was fine with it."

"You sure about that?"

"Yes," I raised an eyebrow.

He ran a hand through his messy hair with a grumbling sigh. "It's too early in the morning for this," he huffed. "Look, just for the record; I'm sorry for blowing up at you."

Well that was unexpected.

"Oh."

"Yeah," he agreed. "You're just causing one too many waves for my liking. But if you swear you're not going to do anything else catastrophic, then fine. Just don't bother Remus today."

"Why?" I was going to meet him before breakfast.

"Full moon tonight," he muttered, scanning the hallway like some secret agent. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"Okay, so he's staying in bed all day then?"

"Yeah the days before and after are always difficult. His two days a month of PMS," his eyes glinted mischievously and I knew all was a success.

"Sad times," I nodded. "By the way, have you seen Jenny in your travels?" I wondered if Jenny and Remus' study date would still be on, what with him being unavoidably detained by the moon.

"Nope," he ruffled his hair once more.

"Righto, I'm going to go catch her for breakfast, see you later?"

"Sure."

Ducking out of the alcove, James turned in the direction of the stairs, and I skipped back to the girls' dormitories to find Jenny and give her my good news.

I didn't get far.

Stepping out of the fireplace and brushing himself off so casually he could have owned the fireplace for all I knew, was Mike, and it seemed luck was on his side judging by the smirk hovering around his lips.

"Good morning, Mira," he greeted me tightly.

_A/N - No Promises... I'm half way through the next chap, but I've hit a road block so don't wait up! _


	11. That Time of the Month

I was surprisingly calm when facing the guy I had been having casual sex with for two years then turned down at the turning point in our relationship. Huh. I would have expected an increased heart beat.

"Are you allowed to be here?" was the first thing that occurred to me.

He gave a shrug.

Well, that certainly set me at ease.

"Don't make that face, Mi," he rolled his eyes. "If I wasn't allowed to be here, the fireplace wouldn't work."

I supposed that made sense, but it didn't stop me from being slightly disgruntled at him being here. In my common room.

The horror of the situation finally caught up with me and I swung around to make sure no one else was present; what if Sirius or James came back from breakfast? What if Remus came down from the boys' dormitories? What if Jenny-

Shit. Jenny was due down any minute.

Figuring he would be staying for as long as he saw fit, I slammed my hands on his chest and shoved.

"What the hell?" he exclaimed, taking a step back.

"Hide behind that couch!" I pointed at the couch by the fireplace that would maybe hide him from the girls' dorms and, if he thought invisible thoughts, maybe the portrait hole.

"Why?"

"Because-"

Footsteps thundered down the stairs and that as well as a stern look from me had him crouching behind the couch and muttering his disapproval.

"There you are!" I exclaimed as Jenny came into sight. Her steps faltered at my hysterical welcome, but she managed to smile slightly in acknowledgement.

"Are you okay?" she asked tentatively, making her way towards me.

"No," I said. "As a matter of fact, I'm not. I think I'm coming down with something."

"You look okay to me."

"Well just to be on the safe side, I'm going to go back to bed. Could you tell McGonagall that I'm too ill to make it to class?"

Despite my assumption that she would put up a fight, she gave an encouraging smile and said: "Okay. I guess I'll see you at lunch?"

"I'll see how I'm feeling," I nodded, smiling as she stepped through the portrait hole.

Once the coast was clear, I grabbed Mike by the collar and heaved him up. "What the hell are you doing here?"

He wriggled free of my grip and adjusted himself grumpily. "The real question is why did you just shove me behind the couch?"

"Because Jenny was there!" I exclaimed, my voice hitting pitches only understood by dolphins.

"And?"

"And nobody can know you're here!"

His presence slammed into me one more time and I blinked. "What _are_ you doing here?"

Rolling his shoulders and frowning at me, he dropped onto the couch and, with a sigh, looked up at me. The tiredness and plain sadness was unexpected. "I wanted to see you."

The emptiness of the common room seemed so much more intense with no possible interruptions; it seemed I had no way of escape. Except, I suddenly thought, he couldn't get up the girls' staircase.

"Please don't run away from me," his voice cut through my thoughts.

"I wasn't going to."

"Sure."

I huffed my annoyance and turned away from him. "Seriously, what are you doing here?" I repeated, hoping the answer wouldn't be the same.

"Mi-"

"No," I interrupted. "You said you would pretend that letter had never existed if my answer was what it was."

"Yeah about that," he rubbed a hand over his face and gave a rattling laugh. "I lied."

This was too much. I ran a hand through my hair and in doing so got tangled in my plait. Giving a frustrated growl, I tugged it lose and began redoing the twist, the tangling sting of the elastic band making my question more acidic than intended. "So what? You got a 'no' for once and decided you didn't like it?"

"Argh," he leaned forward with his head in his hands, "I knew you would be like this."

"Well tell me how I'm supposed to be, Mike," I sighed, dropping onto the couch next to him, making sure I was at the far end. "You've hated me our whole lives and then one day you tell me you actually didn't hate me at all?"

"No," he looked up, his blue eyes glittering. "I didn't hate you. You just irritated me. So it was a pleasant surprise that you didn't say anything irritating when I was screwing you."

That deserved a good punch.

"Ow!" he clutched his arm and glared at me.

"You deserved it," I told him.

"Still," he grimaced and shuffled further away from me.

"Right this is enough," I clapped my hands together and turned on the couch to face him. "You wanted a relationship. I said no. And now you show up here. What's going on?"

He turned to watch me, raising an eyebrow. "What do you think is going on, Mi?"

"Don't give me that," I snapped. "I can assume all I want, but you giving me a straight answer will bypass a lot of shit."

"You're stupidity was debatably cute sometimes," he shook his head and turned on the couch. "It's not cute now."

"I'm sorry I'm slow!" I snarled, huffing around to face the fireplace and crossing my arms. Seriously, what an ass.

This was a bad move.

His fingers on my shoulder alerted me to my tactical error and I turned to find him inches away from me. "I want you," he told me plainly, tucking a stray strand of my abandoned plait behind my ear and making my breath catch.

The crash of the portrait hole opening was all the warning I got before Sirius and James thundered into the common room, obviously headed to see Remus. But something was off.

I didn't get time to analyze Sirius' pale face and James' dark one, before they noticed me on the couch with Mike whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Like a dear caught in head lights, I covered my mouth with my palm and scooted away from Mike.

"Who are you?" James demanded immediately, eyes narrowing in on the boy next to me.

Mike, ever the manly man, sneered at the Head Boy. "Who do you think I am?"

"No," I pushed Mike without success and caught James' attention, hoping my eyes would reassure him. "This is Mike, he's, well-"

"I'm her boyfriend."

Well that certainly got everyone's attention.

"He's your-?"

Sirius turned on the spot and headed for the boys' dormitories before James could finish his sentence. Something tugged me out of the couch at the sight of his back disappearing up the stairs.

"Sirius!" I stumbled around the couch.

"Mira, take the hint and leave him alone," James warned. 'We have enough on our plates without your dramatic love life."

"But there is no love life!" I exclaimed. "Mike isn't my boyfriend!"

"Right," he gave a dark laugh. "But don't worry, I'll still keep my mouth shut."

Without another word, he followed Sirius up the stairs.

"You idiot!" I spun and kicked Mike, knowing he would be right behind me.

"What the hell?"

"Don't you 'what the hell?' me!" I shrieked. "What are you doing here?"

"Why? Annoyed that I ruined things with fling number two?"

The slap resounded around the room, and I hoped Sirius could here it. I may not want a relationship with the boy, but he didn't deserve a snub like that.

Mike's eyes darkened dangerously, a direct contrast to the throbbing red mark left on his cheek.

"We are not in a relationship," I told him, my voice wobbling under the pressure. "I answered your letter so you have no right showing up here and demanding my attention."

"So you won't even think about it?" he snarled. "You're the one who wanted this in the first place!"

"Yes, a year and a half ago," I snapped. "And you told me there was no chance so I moved on."

He clutched his hair between fists before reaching for my arms. "I need you." His anger suddenly dissolved into empty sadness. I watched with wide eyes as he shook me, his messy hair flopping over his sad face in the most pathetic way possible. "I want you, and I need you. Why not?"

A breath rattled out of me, and I knew we wouldn't be seeing each other again.

"Because I don't want you," I whispered, closing my eyes against the guilt. His arms dropped from me and I released a breath I hadn't known I was holding. I hoped desperately that I wasn't making a mistake.

It wasn't until I heard the whoosh of the fireplace that I knew that whatever we had was officially over.

I hugged my arms to me and tried to even out my now erratic breathing. It was harder than I thought it would be, and it wasn't until he was officially out of my life that I realised how much I would miss him.

"Is he gone?"

I turned to face the boys' staircase and found James watching me carefully. I nodded, wiping at my cheeks and finding them damp.

"Are you okay?" his eyes scanned me from head to toe, and I wondered if he had misunderstood the slap that echoed their way.

I nodded once more. "How's Remus?" I asked, hoping to change the topic.

His eyes darkened and his lips turned into a definite frown. "We have a problem."

"I didn't mean to!" Sirius exclaimed for the tenth time, striding the length of the boys' dormitory and I wondered if McGonagall would connect my absence with those of the three boys.

"Do we know where Peter is?" I asked tentatively from the end of Remus' bed, watching the weary werewolf rub his face raw with exhaustion. He definitely looked like it was his time of the month.

"He's not appeared on the map yet," James answered, gesturing to the parchment strewn across his bed.

The problem, James explained, was that in a fit of mental instability Sirius had told Remus' secret to none other than Severus Snape. I didn't know him personally, but from what I had heard from Sirius and James in passing was enough to fill me in. Of course, Remus was always there to dial the exaggerating down but it didn't stop me from not liking the guy.

I rubbed an anxious hand over Remus' calf that lay next to me, and was rewarded with a pasty smile that was more painful than reassuring. "If you wouldn't mind," he croaked in my direction, "could you tell Jenny that I won't be feeling up to our study session tonight?"

I nodded mutely, thinking of poor Jenny and of how long she took to organise her outfit.

"There's no other way of doing things," James nodded decidedly. We all turned to watch him anxiously. "Sirius, you and Peter take Remus through the tunnel as usual. Sirius should be enough to keep Remus in check, and I'll wait at the end of the tunnel for Snape. Hopefully, seeing me instead of Sirius, will assure him of the seriousness of things." He dropped back onto his bed and gave a sigh. "Let's hope he hasn't told anyone yet."

"How are we going to get him to keep it a secret?" I asked.

The glances exchanged across the room answered my question and I dropped back next to Remus, worry eating away at my insides. What if Snape had already told everyone and Remus got expelled? What if Snape saw the boys in their animagus forms? Hogwarts could say goodbye to all four of them then. I wriggled against the sheets at the thought of no more Marauders.

"I'm sorry," Sirius muttered from his bed, his head in his hands and the disheveled look down.

Remus didn't answer, which said enough for the state of their friendship.

So I guess it wasn't me who would destroy the Marauders.

James was obviously the team leader when it came to situations like these because the second their plan was finalised he demanded that I return to class and after dinner to stay in my dorm until morning. So after giving Remus a hug and hiding the hurt that Sirius' cold shoulder caused, I waved to James and headed to find Jenny.

It was only the start of second period so I headed for Defense Against the Dark Arts, hoping I hadn't missed much. But judging by the teacher's dull stare at the blackboard as he rattled off his lecture, I definitely hadn't missed anything.

"I thought you weren't feeling well?" Jenny whispered when I took my usual seat next to her.

"Feeling better," I shrugged. "I checked in on Remus, and he's down with some kind of virus. He says he's sorry but he won't make your study session tonight."

She didn't say anything. Just forced a smile, nodded, and returned to the lesson. Her disappointment was plain to me, and although there was nothing to be done about it I was still sorry she got let down.

I slouched through the rest of the day with thoughts of Remus swirling everywhere. I passed Snape in the corridor and felt a chill go up my spine, but quickly averted my eyes in the hopes that he wouldn't see me.

A shove to my shoulder showed me how unsuccessful I was.

As dinner finally arrived, I spotted James, Sirius and Peter further down the table, minus Remus, all huddled over their plates and not speaking. I wondered briefly what was up with Peter, watching his pale face jitter, his eyes darting around the room like a cornered rat.

If I had hoped Jenny would not notice my anxiety, I was wrong.

After a few curious glances in my direction between classes, dinner, and in the common room later on, she finally turned to me, pushed my book aside and said, "What's going on with you?"

I forced an eyebrow upwards and continued scanning reading my book. "Nothing, why?" Truthfully, my stomach was churning, my throat was twisting in all directions, and I was so anxious to see Remus and the boys stroll happily through that portrait hole that I was sweating like Lee Evans at the Apollo and constantly glancing up at every footstep. But other than that, I was fine.

Jenny obviously disagreed. "Don't be smart with me. The guys are no where to be seen and you can't keep your eyes off the door."

I resisted the urge to applaud her. She was like Poirot, except without the mustache.

"It's not my secret to tell, Jen," I gave an apologetic shrug and forced a smile.

Her forehead puckered and, with a purse of her lips, she returned to her book.

So it was safe to say I was going to be lacking in conversation for a few hours.

I knew I wouldn't be sleeping when we finally went to bed, but that knowledge did not prepare me for the constant twisting in my stomach, the thumping headache and the cold shivers of anxiety. My sheets were tangled awkwardly around my legs when my clock turned five-thirty am, and I was just about to run to the boys' room in case I had missed them come in when I heard a few stumbling bumps and a grunt.

In a flash I was out of bed and racing for the common room.

Relief surged through my lungs when I saw Sirius and Peter at the bottom of the boys' staircase, but my stomach still sizzled with thoughts of Remus.

"Where is he?"

Sirius turned to face me, surprise flashing in his eyes before hiding behind the exhaustion that pulled at his face. But instead of Sirius answering me, Peter piped in.

"Remus and James are in the hospital wing with Madam Pomfrey," he told me, but I kept my eyes trained on Sirius' grey face.

"What happened?" I pleaded, the shakes in my voice surprising all of us.

Sirius rubbed a hand across his face and, with a rattling sigh, began climbing the stairs to his room.

"Sirius!"

He shook his head and disappeared out of sight.

Peter turned back to me with something bordering on pity in his eyes. I narrowed in on him.

"What happened?"

He gave a tiny shrug, making me dislike him even more. "James tried to stop Snape but Remus got to him first. They're both okay but Snape kept saying that he would tell everyone. So," he gave another shrug.

"So?" I prompted, resisting the urge to kick him.

"James went to Dumbledore. He told him everything."

"Even about your animagi forms?" that was difficult to believe.

"No, look, I'm tired," he ran a hand through his hair, and I couldn't help but see it as a copy cat move. "Go back to bed."

And with those feeble words of wisdom, he disappeared up the boys staircase.

What an idiot!

I wasn't sure which emotion to settle on, anger or fright. But I could only justify the fright. I couldn't focus the anger on anyone. Snape? But it was Sirius who told him about Remus, so it was really Sirius' fault, but I couldn't bring myself to blame him either. After all, he had lost Remus.

I dropped onto the couch and held my aching head in my hands, trying to will the headache away.

It was only a few minutes before I made a decision. Jumping for the portrait hole, I skidded out of the common room and down the corridor.

I wanted to see my brother.


	12. Relief

I had never walked the halls of Hogwarts so early in the morning, and it seemed the echoing silence seemed to smother me as I charged towards the Hospital Wing. Daylight was beginning to peak through the surrounding windows and I received quite a few grumpy retorts from passing portraits but I gave them no thought, my mind was too busy running riot about Remus.

What had happened? Was he okay? If he bit Severus I could only imagine how he would be feeling. The guilt would definitely bring him down.

And what happened to James? The brave leader who, despite my reservations, seemed to know right from wrong better than Sirius did.

I pushed the heavy doors open and quickly scanned the room. There he was.

Propped up against a pillow and looking bloodless and bruised, was my big brother.

He looked so small.

Quickly crossing the room I took his hand in mine and checked over his sleeping form. No sign of Madam Pomfrey, most likely she had fallen asleep, meaning her concern for Remus was small. Relief flooded my body and I felt tears dampen my eyes.

Of course only a near-death-experience could make me realise how much I loved Remus. At first he was an annoyance, a smarty-pants I was intimidated by. But it soon progressed to admiration, I could see why mum loved him more.

His sandy hair flopped pathetically over his forehead and I couldn't resist brushing it back.

"He'll be okay."

I jumped and turned to see James in the bed next to Remus, looking much better than the boy himself, but not without his own set of bruises and scratches. He mustered a smile for my sake.

"What happened?" My voice sounded watery.

He reached a hand up to ruffle his hair and winced. "I managed to catch Snape, but Remus got a whiff of him and we ended up a wee bit scratched trying to get away. Of course Snape is with Dumbledore right now, wouldn't see anyone except him because he wants to be the bearer of good news; a reason to get rid of all of us. Merlin knows what will happen now." The depression in his voice was enough to believe how desperately he wished things back to normal.

A pause fell, until I could bare it no longer.

"I'm really sorry, James," I whispered, attempting an apologetic smile. "I didn't mean for all this to happen. I especially didn't mean to hurt Sirius, or you. You have to believe me."

Something flickered in his eyes before he gave a curt nod. "It's alright."

Well that was as good as a Knighthood in the Potter manual, I'd say.

It was only another half hour before Professor Dumbledore himself appeared through the doors, interrupting the easy silence that had settled between James and myself. Although James had been slipping in and out of consciousness, making it a pretty easy silence on my part.

"Good morning, Miss Lewis," Dumbledore smiled over his spectacles, seeming unsurprised to see me at Remus' side. "And Mr Potter," he turned his attention to the very much awake boy across from me who looked ready to bolt out of bed in anxiety.

"Professor, I am so sorry," he began, "when I heard about Snape finding out I tried to stop him going, none of us wanted this to happen, it was an accident. Sirius didn't mean to let it slip, he was just really riled up."

Dumbledore held up one finger and James fell silent immediately.

"I have no doubt that you understand the seriousness of the situation, James," he began gently. "Of course, Mr Snape was quite upset but rest assured that he has sworn not to breathe a word to another soul. As for Sirius, I have informed your Head of House, Professor McGonagall, of the situation and in the morning she will provide the proper punishment. However, I must remind you that Remus' case is a very rare one and he will only benefit if his friends are loyal to him. It is not wise to allow anyone else to know of his secret, and you would do well to prevent it."

James nodded somberly.

Dumbledore gave him a reassuring smile, before turning to me and saying, "It is very late, Miss Lewis, so late, in fact, that you are very early. If you return to your dormitory now, you will undoubtedly be awake enough to attend today's lessons, I'm sure Madam Pomfrey would not mind you dropping by at lunch to check on Mr Lupin."

Giving Remus' hand one more squeeze, I nodded at the dismissal and started for the doors. "Of course, goodnight Professor." I nodded at James, who returned a weak smile, and set out for my dorm.

I found it hard to believe that Snape was sworn to secrecy easily, and I was proved right when I spotted him at the breakfast table. Looking thoroughly tired and sporting a few bruises of his own, he scowled into his breakfast and hissed at anyone who dared approach him. Someone was definitely not happy.

Lunch could not have arrived sooner. I received a few frowns from Jenny for my anxious behaviour but I couldn't even begin to explain, so I settled on "I didn't sleep well." Although I did tell her that Remus' virus escalated a bit last night and was sleeping it off in the Infirmary but Madam Pomfrey predicted he would be back on his feet in no time. That seemed to settle her worries.

I excused myself to the library when lunch came and, ignoring Jenny's suspicious gaze, headed for the Infirmary.

He was already awake and talking quietly to James, Sirius and Peter when I came in, and upon seeing my entrance I was met with four very different reactions.

"Mi," Remus smiled tiredly and patted the spot next to him. James sent a tight smile, whilst clearly avoiding Sirius' cold glare, and Peter just looked confused. I wondered if anybody told Peter anything of importance, or if he was just there for his own convenience.

"How are you?" I asked, taking up residence on the bed next to him and trying to avoid eye contact with the three boys at the end of the bed.

"I've been better," he tried for a wry smile.

"I saw Snape at breakfast."

"Oh?" Remus looked concerned. "How was he?"

I glanced at Sirius, only to see him glaring at his hands and muttering profanities under his breath. "He didn't look very happy."

"Of course he wasn't!" Sirius snapped to attention. "The chance to expel the people he hated was dangled in front of him and he was more than happy to follow through."

"A chance he wouldn't have had, had it not been for you."

All eyes turned to James, who leveled Sirius with a hard stare. Whatever colour that remained in Sirius' face quickly disappeared.

"Let's not prance around the subject. You betrayed Remus' trust." Remus remained stoically silent, and I wondered how much he agreed with James. "You deserve every detention you got."

That shut him up. I didn't hear a word uttered from Sirius' mouth for the remainder of lunch and it was with a mixture of pity and disappointment that I watched he, James and Peter leave for class. Since I had a free period, I settled down next to Remus and hugged him as best as I could.

"How much pain are you in?"

He accepted it to be cuddle time and gave my hand a squeeze. "Not much. Madam Pomfrey has managed everything, now I just have to heal."

A beat passed.

"I was so worried about you."

Another beat.

"I'm sorry."

Slowly but surely, thing seems to settle back to normal. Whatever "normal" was.

James warmed up to me again, cracking jokes as usual and showing no signs of ever being angry with me.

Peter seemed to sense that his idols were comfortable again and didn't sweat as much.

Remus was trying to handle the guilt of endangering another human being, even if that human being was Severus Snape, and had since told all three Animagi that they were no longer welcome at the Shrieking Shack. James saw fit to hit Remus with a rolled up newspaper, so I assumed that their full moon tradition would continue.

Sirius, being Sirius, saw his friendship with Remus as his main priority. Although Remus seemed to have forgiven him, Sirius took it upon himself to be better behaved. I don't think he looked at Snape once since that awful night.

And Jenny. Poor Jenny who had no idea what was going on. I told her that the boys had had another fight, although I didn't know what it was about. Now I knew she didn't believe me, but Jenny being as lovely as she is, sensed that Remus had gotten hurt and had the wisdom not to go snooping. If I thought his new found protection of other humans would become a problem between him and Jenny, I thought wrong. Her attempts at comforting him and calm acceptance in not knowing what the problem was seemed to settle him, so much so that I saw them sitting pretty close together in the common room and, I am convinced, that had they been alone there would have been some definite cuddling going on.

My only problem was that Sirius, although lovely to everyone else, still gave me the cold shoulder. After two weeks of no talking, after me deliberately trying for a truce, I couldn't take it any longer.

One evening after dinner, I caught him on the fourth floor on his way up to the library, he was alone, thankfully, and I had the good humour to pin him against the wall.

"My how the tables have turned," I gave a smirk. Although it didn't last long as I knew he would overpower me in seconds.

He didn't even look at me before turning to walk away.

"Sirius," I called after him. "Please."

He shook his head.

"I swear Mike's not my boyfriend-"

A barking laugh echoed around the hallway. "And yet," he turned. "He writes to you asking to be your boyfriend and then has the nerve to show up here. Although how he did it still eludes me since I was under the impression that you can't use the Floo Network except in the office of a Professor. You certainly seem to enjoy drama, Mira."

I stomped my foot. "How did you know what he said in his letter? Are you seriously admitting that my missing letter is actually in your dorm because you're childish enough to read other people's mail?"

"I burned it the second I found an open fire!"

"Oh so destruction of personal property is added to the list!"

"Who cares about some bloody letter? You lied to me!"

"I did not!" My voice echoed and bounced down the hallway and I reluctantly took a calming breath before we drew a crowd. "I wrote to him to say I didn't want a relationship. He turned up because of his own pig-headedness and I haven't heard from him since."

Silence fell, and as Sirius turned and ruffled his hair in frustration I knew I was getting to him.

"You, you're not-" he waved his hand at me and all I could do was shake my head.

He sighed heavily. "Okay," he said gruffly.

"So...friends?" I asked hopefully, leaning on my toes and trying to catch his eye.

He stared resignedly into my eyes and, after one beat, gave a nod.

I thought a hug would be a bit much, so settled for a grin and gave his arm a squeeze. "I've got to meet Jenny, but I'll see you later?"

"Sure," he forced a smile before continuing on to the library.

Feeling ten times happier than I had in a while, I practically skipped back to the common room and even enjoyed my Astronomy homework.


End file.
